My Heart's Direction
by TessaSpencer
Summary: Post Series - what happens after Tony shows up on the doorstep of the Bower house after his time in Iowa. It begins two days before his reappearance and continues on a long journey.


1*** One  
  
One  
  
In the series of numbers, it is the loneliest. There's even a song about it. It's lonely, and it's sad, and it's solitary. And it's me.  
  
It's the part of me that I left behind in Iowa, hoping it would follow me, but secretly knowing that it was cruel of me to wish that on anyone. It's the part of me that wishes I had held on to him as tight as possible while he was still here.  
  
One.  
  
What a wretched number! There isn't anything good that comes in singles, other than Tony. He's it. He's the only one that matters. He's the only one.  
  
You'd never buy one glove. Most of the time you don't even buy one article of clothing at a time; you buy things in quantities. You buy things in groups of two or more. You can't just buy one. I can't, at least.  
  
You'd never buy one shoe...unless of course you only had one foot, but that's an entirely different sob story. This is love. This is life. This is disadvantage by numerical handicap.  
  
I was a part of a whole (consisting of two halves) and now I'm more like the half that got forgotten. I'm handicapped—I'm missing half of my spirit. I'm missing half of my reason for living. I'm one half.  
  
Whatever had possessed me to take math in school is beyond me. Yes, it has its obvious business advantages, but damn it, it's the cruelest subject ever.  
  
In languages, there's Shakespeare and his lovers brought together by determination. Hell, French even has a kiss named after it. Math doesn't have that. There isn't a 'Pythagorean kiss'. No. People just don't find math romantic and that's only because the numbers are so damn depressing.  
  
Even biology has sex. It's like the scientific sex education class. Things mate, things multiply, things go on to form some greater thing.  
  
Math? You have addition, which is quickly followed by subtraction. 1+1=2. Oh, but wait. 2-1=1. How cruel is that? It's borderline sadistic.  
  
Maybe I'm just being irrational.  
  
Maybe one isn't so bad. It's the number of times I've been married. Coincidently it's also the number of times I've been divorced. I only have one son, and he's wonderful. But I always wanted a big family and my career. I'm greedy.  
  
They say one day at a time. That's probably one more reason I hate it. Who can live for today, knowing that today is wretched? I sure as hell can't. I have to have some hope that tomorrow could potentially be better?  
  
So one isn't such a great number. One isn't anything to be really impressed with because, obviously, for all the times one has a good application, it's equally and proportionally bad. The only question that remains is if the good out weight the bad, fundamentally pulling the equation from 1 to 1-1, does that mean you're left with nothing?  
  
I thought so.  
  
2*** Easier  
  
"Hello?" She wasn't going to answer the phone. Angela was convinced she'd much rather spend her birthday alone and without any contact with the world at large. It would be easier that way, certainly. It would be easier if they didn't see how broken she was without Tony. It would be easier if they didn't see how scared she was to face the world with out him for the first time in almost a decade.  
  
Not answering the phone, however, scared her as well. She was afraid that by cutting the world off, she'd lose everyone else, and that was a thought she couldn't bare. If there was away to feel lonelier, she never wanted to know.  
  
"Hi," he said, his voice low. He hadn't expected her to be home. Not on her birthday. He thought she'd be out celebrating with the family, maybe going out with some of her old friends. "Happy birthday."  
  
"Thanks." She still couldn't believe that Tony—her Tony—was calling her. She had left him in Iowa only a matter of weeks ago, and now he was calling to wish her a happy birthday. There was no way she had enough strength in her reserves to handle this gracefully.  
  
"Do you have plans for tonight," he managed to ask, before bracing himself for her to hang up on him. That was the last thing he wanted, but he half expected it only because their emotions were still so raw.  
  
"I'm staying in. Jonathon's gone out for dinner with Sam and Hank; mother is on another crazy date. I'm going to watch TV and go to bed early." Having given voice to her plans, she wished she had made them sound less like she was stewing in her own self pity. She wished that her intentions sounded more like she would be doing something with herself other than sleeping off whatever residual pain she was experiencing.  
  
"I'm glad the kids are still spending time together," Tony said gratefully. "I miss them but I'm glad they have each other. And you, of course."  
  
Angela couldn't bring herself to tell him that she hadn't seen Sam since she'd been back. She'd been dodging bullets, managing to escape her since she'd returned to Connecticut. The idea of looking into those brown eyes—the ones that were so painfully familiar that they would remind her of him within seconds—nearly broke her every time. Angela didn't need to be reminded of him any more often than she already was. Everything in the house would scream 'Tony' when she passed it.  
  
"Do you miss me?" Her voice quivered when she spoke. She was too scared to wait for his answer, but Angela fought the urge to hang up the phone.  
  
"I miss you more than I've ever missed anyone," Tony replied honestly. "I wish this wasn't so hard."  
  
She felt like telling him that it was only hard because he complicated matters. He was about to sign a contract for another five years in Iowa, and Angela had told him that she couldn't stay. She'd only resent him for it, and it would destroy their relationship.  
  
"Yeah," was the only way she could reply. It was all she could do to keep from sounding horribly bitter. And even with her faux voice, she really couldn't sound convincing.  
  
"Do you miss me?" He wasn't going to ask. He had intended to make this easy on her. Tony only wanted to wish her a happy birthday. He couldn't let the day pass without some sort of recognition.  
  
There was silence over the line. "Of course I miss you." She wasn't going to cry, she kept telling herself. Angela Bower was a strong woman, and crying wasn't what strong women did.  
  
"I'm sorry I've hurt you," Tony whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm not the woman you needed me to be," Angela replied. It was true. Of all the things she had regretted over the past few weeks, her inability to be domesticated—to be the one who stood by her man instead of taking him by the hand and leading—was number one. As far as mistakes were concerned, Angela never doubted that this would be her biggest—the one she regretted until her death bed.  
  
"Eh oh, oh eh," he said, knowing that would bring a smile to her face, no matter how fleeting. "You've never been anything less."  
  
Angela tried to compose her thoughts, scared that she might break in two if she felt any more pain. "I just want you to know that I've never been so sad about anything in my entire life."  
  
"Me either," he responded before making up his mind to just say what he wanted to say. "Happy anniversary."  
  
The lack of conversation over the line made him wonder what she was thinking.  
  
"The anniversary of what," she asked.  
  
"Our first kiss...it was on your birthday our first year together. That was the first time I let myself think we were more than just boss and employee."  
  
She stopped to remember that time—the time when she couldn't remember whether or not she and Tony had done something 'regrettable' and then wished they had. Maybe they wouldn't be in this position now.  
  
"Happy Anniversary," she said.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and that maybe sometime when it doesn't hurt so much maybe we can be friends again?"  
  
Angela shook her head, forgetting that he probably didn't know what she was doing, before she managed to speak. "Maybe." She had very little faith that they could be friends after the hell they'd been through, but then again, she wasn't going to tell him that.  
  
Tony didn't think there would ever be a time when his heart wouldn't ache at the mere thought of her or at the hint of her name. But he couldn't give up hope that someday he'd at least have a part of her in his life, even if it wasn't the way he wanted it to be.  
  
"I love you," Tony said, as he prepared himself to lose her again.  
  
"Me too," Angela couldn't bring herself to say it, for all the pain she knew she'd feel.  
  
When he hung up the phone he dried the tears he felt on his cheek and wondered what it would take to fix the mess he'd made.  
  
3*** Barely Breathing  
  
"I swear, mother, you just need to let me do things at my own pace..." Angela took a sip from her coffee and looked over the edge of the cup at her mother. It seemed like things were always going too fast or too slow in her life, and it was usually thanks to someone else's influence.  
  
"Look, I know you're hurt, but you can't keep staying home every night looking pathetic and watching old movies. Or worse yet...How many times have you pulled out a photo album?" Mona eyed her daughter carefully, hoping that with a little scrutiny she might snap out of her funk and realize that something had to change around the house.  
  
"You're trying to deny me pictures now too? I can't even look at them?" Her voice betrayed her, giving Mona a quick glance into the hurt she was feeling.  
  
"You can't look at them and wish you did something differently."  
  
Angela chewed on her lower lip and refrained from telling her mother just how much she wished she could have done something differently. Anything, at this point. "I like seeing how happy everyone was, and I like seeing us all so young and vibrant. I like seeing the kids when they were still awkward and little."  
  
"You like seeing you and Tony together. You like seeing how much you two were in love for so many years."  
  
"Why are we even talking about this?"  
  
Mona had tried to be sympathetic. In fact, she had tried to be even more than sympathetic—she had tried to be consoling and available as well as supportive. But then the days turned into weeks, and it was fast approaching two months. In two months, Mona thought, there was only so much sympathy a person could muster before they became embittered themselves. "We're talking about this because you're ruining your life. You're being stupid, and you're letting your heart run amok. You need to stop, prioritize, and get back up. You're still standing, you know that right?"  
  
"I'm barely breathing," Angela countered. "I hate that he's not here, and I hate that no matter what I do I can't make him come back to me. I miss him, mother. I miss him so much that it hurts to think about him."  
  
"Then why are you still sitting here? Why aren't you working something out between you two?"  
  
Angela sighed. It was a good question to ask, and it was one which probably had every right to be in the conversation, but wouldn't her life be easier without it? The truth be told, Angela didn't want to walk back to him and tell him that she could be happy any where but in Connecticut, working at the Bower Agency. It wasn't the truth. At the same time, she didn't want to deny him his golden opportunity. The college was providing him valuable experience as well as something to work towards. He was sculpting young minds and loving it. How could she ask him to give that up for her? "Because somewhere along the line something changed. He needs Wellsley, and I need the Bower Agency. I need you and Jonathon and Sam, and he doesn't need me." She might as well have been stabbed, for the twisting in her stomach.  
  
"You can't honestly believe that, now can you? You can't tell me that he doesn't need you because that couldn't be further from the truth. I know Tony and you're his oxygen—you're the reason he breathes. You have been for over nine years."  
  
"He seems to have found an alternative supply," Angela countered, hating the metaphor but too drained to argue.  
  
"You've let him," Mona said before excusing herself from the table. "I don't see you asking him to come back, and I don't see you going to visit him."  
  
Angela's heart was breaking, and with the slamming of the door behind her mother, she could feel her resolve crumbling. Maybe it would be easier to get back to work and back to life in general—maybe she just needed to dive head first into a project.  
  
Too many maybes, she thought, before debating picking up the phone.  
  
"No," she scolded.  
  
Feeling her breath catch she wondered why he had such control over her, and then she remembered: he was as much her oxygen as she was his.  
  
4*** the Sound of...  
  
Since he'd spoken to Angela, Tony couldn't help but wonder if that tone in her voice was really the same pain he was feeling. It sounded so familiar to him, but it wasn't reminiscent of the times before they broke up. It wasn't the way her voice sounded when they were laying on the couch watching Carey Grant, and it wasn't the way she sounded when she was busy with work. It vaguely reminded him of heartbreak and determination—it was those times after she broke up with Geoffrey and Jeffrey and all the men in between and after (there had been enough of them)...and it reminded him of the tone in her voice when she walked away from him.  
  
Tonight was supposed to be a celebration, but for once he didn't feel like hamming it up; Tony didn't want to be the one to make everyone laugh. He wanted to make her laugh, and he wanted to make it good between them again.  
  
Tony thought about all the times he had done things just for the sake of cheering her up, and he remembered all the times he wished he had done more. Their relationship was never easy.  
  
"I hate this," he called into the living room. He knew his assistant would be there by this point. She was always early, and more so since Angela had left. Candy knew that he'd be dragging his heals all the way to the event. There was no doubt in her mind that he was miserable.  
  
"Well it's too late to find something else to wear, unless you want me to see if I can find another blue tux." She knew that he was talking about his relationship (or lack there of) with Angela, but long ago, back in her beauty queen days, she learned never to tell a man that they were transparent.  
  
"Not that," he called back, before he decided to make his way into the living room. He couldn't hide out forever.  
  
"You look great," she said, before making a gesture to tell him to straighten his tie.  
  
"Oh, thanks." Tony made his way to a mirror, before he cringed at the memory of Angela helping him get ready for the last big dinner. They stood in front of the same mirror and she had reached around him and made sure he was perfect. "Candy, I just can't do it any more, it hurts so much," Tony straightened his bowtie and then faced the older woman, seeking out her approval.  
  
"Well, have you spoken to her?"  
  
"I called her for her birthday," Tony confessed, wishing that it was Mona he was speaking to and not his assistant. "She sounded good."  
  
"Is that your imagination, or is it true? Did she really sound good?"  
  
Tony thought for a few moments before he answered, afraid that there was no way to work around the desperation he was feeling. "I miss her too much. I never thought we'd be apart like this."  
  
Candy never thought they'd be apart either. When she met Tony and Angela they were head over heels in love, and there was no way around it; they were destined to be together forever. It just seemed like fate had a cruel sense of humor when it came to those two because they just couldn't get it right no matter what they tried. "Tony, what are you going to do?" She knew what the answer should be, and she had faith that he would see it too.  
  
"I need to think for a while," Tony said, hoping that she wouldn't point out the obvious; they had a banquet to attend in less than an hour, and he was asking for some time to think.  
  
"I'll be waiting with Ernie and Vince, ok?"  
  
Tony just nodded, already deep in thought.  
  
5*** Insignificant Things  
  
Angela didn't know what seemed right any more. She had been invited to a business dinner with some colleagues from the agency, but she had politely declined. Something felt very wrong about going out.  
  
Sam had called her that morning at work to let her know that she would be going out of town for a while. When Sam said 'out of town' in that tone that said 'I'm going to see dad', Angela wanted to ask if everything was alright. For a second after she heard Sam say it, Angela couldn't help but question if everything was indeed alright or if she was flying out because something had happened. Angela's logical mind kicked in to action and told her that if something was wrong, Sam would tell her.  
  
But from that point on, her day was on a totally different wave length. Instead of trying to feign happiness, Angela instead worked on seeming seamlessly busy at work, despite the more than capable hands of her vice presidents and their staff and her lack of valid things to do.  
  
Truth be told, Mona knew that Angela's head wasn't yet back in the game and in a stroke of motherly intuition and business sense, Mona kept the not so important stuff off of Angela's desk. The important things only made it there once the VPS were stumped.  
  
Angela knew what her mother was doing and secretly she was thankful for it. Only a mother would know what her daughter needed so effectively that they'd clear a desk over heartache.  
  
All the same, the day wore on while Angela wondered why Sam was going to Iowa.  
  
By night fall, Angela was feeling otherwise useless in almost all endeavors. Her mind kept wandering to places unknown even to her and she was too distracted to do much more than sit and drink her coffee on the couch.  
  
As the hours quickly moved from daylight to nightfall, she started to wonder what Tony and Sam were doing, and if they were talking about her. She hoped that Sam wouldn't mention that she hadn't seen her since she came back but then again Tony knew her well enough he might almost know that for himself, she thought.  
  
There wasn't much left to do with the evening. She had seen Jonathon racing around the house to get ready for something, although she had no clue what, and Mona had been listening to music much too loudly in her apartment. Sometimes she wondered if her mother and son had switched bodies, making Jonathon the more reserved one, and Mona the crazy party animal.  
  
By 9:30, Angela decided there wasn't much else to do with her night but to take a bath and get ready for bed. At least she wouldn't be asleep much before 10:30—no small feat for her these days.  
  
When she crawled into the tub of steaming water, she made a note that she was almost out of her favorite bath gel, and that she should get some more of it. The fragrance that she had been using was the one Tony bought for her for Valentine's Day. Among other gifts there was a wonderful collection of bath salts and gels, as well as loofas and other 'girly' things—that's what he had called them.  
  
Everything, she concluded, reminded her of Tony and no matter how hard she'd try it wasn't going to change. Even the most insignificant things seemed so full of memories, never mind those things which were specifically 'theirs'.  
  
Resting her head against the porcelain back of the tub, Angela closed her eyes and tried not to fantasize about him, and how much she missed every thing about him.  
  
6*** Porch Lights  
  
When his cab pulled up outside that old familiar house Tony almost couldn't bring himself to step out of it. There was something about the house and the way he left it that made it untouchable. If he went back now, he'd surely destroy the memories he had, and there was no telling how Angela might receive him.  
  
On the other hand, the cab driver had no intentions of letting Tony hide out in his car. Other than being near the end of his shift, he was also privy to some of the details of the long and winding road that had been Tony and Angela's relationship—he knew enough to know that she'd want him back, but they'd both be too chicken shit to act.  
  
Collecting his fare, the cabby smiled at Tony and wished him luck and then watched him make his way up to the door. There weren't many lights on around the house, the driver noticed, but he wasn't about to give the guy any more reason to hide out.  
  
Tony stood on the porch for what felt like forever, asking himself if he had done the right thing. There he was, standing on the porch in a tux, and it wasn't exactly the most reasonable hour, holding a trophy given to him for his outstanding work at the college. That work was what had ended Tony and Angela's relationship. Holding that seemed almost representative of what was left of his relationship with Angela.  
  
"You've got to do it, Micelli. You've got to talk to her, face to face, and you've got to show her this—and you've got to thank her." He hadn't really thought through what he was going to say or do. He knew he wanted to see her, and he knew that he wanted to speak to her for a while. More than anything, he wanted them to be back together—but that wasn't something he had the right to call.  
  
Sitting on the porch, Tony looked around the neighborhood, remembering all of the things that had changed through the years, and all of the funny moments he and Angela had shared in that home.  
  
There had been almost a decade of friendship, and more than a few of those years were filled with love, no matter how unprofessed it was. There had been sadness that overwhelmed them, and there had been immeasurable joy that filled their hearts. There had even been a measure of lust and romance, despite it's rare surfacing, it certainly had explosive repercussions.  
  
Stepping nearer to the door, Tony wondered if he was betraying some sort of agreement they had by standing on the porch. When things ended, they really hadn't been so final as much as desperate to be distanced. Instead of being certain and resolved, it seemed that things were much more up in the air than they had ever been.  
  
Angela had told him that she couldn't stay in Iowa, no matter what the cost to them, it just wasn't her, and when he said that he might go back to Connecticut, Angela had reminded him that she didn't want to hate him and vice versa. It wouldn't be right, she told him, for him to give up his passion for her.  
  
Finally working up the courage to press the door bell, Tony realized what he had to say to her. There were stones left unturned when they broke up, and there was no reason for her to ever think that things were over. They'd barely had a chance to begin.  
  
7*** Memories and The Like  
  
Stepping out of the tub, Angela remembered the time Tony walked in on her in the bathroom. She had been so nervous about facing him again, and she was so embarrassed. A part of her had wondered if he liked what he saw, but the other part was more rational and reminded her that she had to face him day in and day out. It was such an awkward time in their lives together; it was that stage between falling in love and being in love. Then again, it was a time long before she lost him.  
  
She felt herself losing composure as the tears once again threatened to soak her cheeks. It felt like a much too rapid succession from almost fine to blithering mess these days, she noted. It wasn't hard to figure out why either.  
  
Looking in the mirror, she didn't like what she saw. Angela wondered when she started to look so old. Her eyes were less alive or vibrant lately, and her face seemed longer. The area under her eyes was dark from lack of sleep, and it was puffy from too much crying. She'd also managed to get her first pimple in almost ten years, making her wonder if the hormone imbalance of being single again really had that detrimental of an effect on her body.  
  
Drying the tears with the side of her hand, Angela re-evaluated the woman in the mirror. She was a far cry from the woman who left for Iowa, dressed in her best denim jeans and Tony's denim shirt laughing and alive because she was with the one person who could make her feel whole. That Angela had no questions about where her life was going, and she had no concern about what would come of her and Tony. She was strong enough then to actually believe that they would over come any challenge life threw at them.  
  
In retrospect, she realizes how misguided she was. She had let herself believe something that was so viciously untrue, and now it was making her feel like someone had ripped out her heart.  
  
All the years she told herself that Tony would never be more than a hallway away from her, she had never accounted for him getting a career of his own, or even having any desire to leave her and the life they had built.  
  
She couldn't fault him for not staying in Connecticut. Wellseley was an amazing opportunity for Tony, and it provided him the opportunity to grow as a person.  
  
It also meant that she lost her true soul mate.  
  
He had always been her soul mate, from the day he walked through the door, right up to the night in the tunnel of love when neither one of them could muster more than a weakly voiced 'help' before returning to their passionate kisses.  
  
When the doorbell rang, waking her from her remembrance, Angela tried to shake off the feeling of the nostalgia which made her want to call him. It was too much to think she might really be able to repress it, let alone really handle unexpected company.  
  
After all, the last thing she wanted to deal with would be someone for whom she had to put up a front of some sort. She was tired of saying 'it was for the best'.  
  
More than anything Angela wanted to them how much true love really hurt, and that they should avoid it at all costs. Somehow, she determined, she'd have to mask those feelings though, because that was the last thing someone wanted to hear.  
  
From the family room she could hear the chiming of the bell again, making her want to yell at them and tell them to go away. Who ever was at the door was being persistent, that was for sure.  
  
Wrapping her body in the pink bathrobe that Tony had bought her what felt like a hundred years ago to replace her old scruffy one, Angela made sure that she was adequately covered before she made her way down the stairs. She was thankful that she had a few small reminders of him that nobody could accuse her of clinging to with too much determination.  
  
By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs, Angela was certain that she couldn't really make any promises to herself about what might happen when the door opened. If it was another conversation or another denial, she'd surely break into a million pieces. Being shattered seemed too high a price for something as polite as opening a door.  
  
Steeling herself for something which would surely be another trial to add to her list of just breathing, Angela took a deep breath and opened the door.  
  
8*** In Just a Few Words  
  
There was a fleeting moment where she wondered if she had really lost it. There he was, bright as day, standing in her doorway, and all Angela could think was that maybe she needed to see someone about how she was feeling—seeing Tony everywhere was one thing, but to see him standing in her doorway was another.  
  
But then there was that kiss that reminded her of how good it felt to be in his arms and how much she had missed him. That kiss was enough to remind her of Sleeping Beauty, and for a moment made her wonder if he really was Prince Charming.  
  
All good things, however, must come to an end, and as their lips parted from the kiss Angela felt an aching from more than where his lips had been.  
  
"Hi," she said again, instantly feeling like a silly school girl. His arms were still around her, which at least was enough to make her feel like everything was real, and if only for this second, everything was alright.  
  
"Hi," he smiled, watching the flush fade from her skin. She had never seemed more beautiful to him, he realized, than she did that moment, standing there in her housecoat and with her hair up in a towel.  
  
"I can't believe you're here."  
  
"I can't believe you're here." Tony wondered if he looked as goofy as he felt. There certainly was reason for the wide grin on his face, and yet he felt like maybe he was betraying himself by being so transparent.  
  
"I live here," Angela reminded him, her eyes appraising him once again. He looked much too good. Obviously the past months hadn't been as hard on him as they were on her.  
  
"I guess you do, don't you," he asked. He felt silly being so awkward around her. He loved her more than anything in the world, and he had yet to tell her that she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen?  
  
"I guess I do." There was no way for her to deny the state of confusion she was feeling. There were a thousand different emotions racing through her, and they were all battling for supremacy. At this rate, she thought, it wouldn't be that surprising if she burst under the weight of them all.  
  
"I've missed you," he told her, not letting his grip on her loosen at all. Letting go seemed like too high a price to pay for comfort, and admittedly their proximity to one another wasn't doing much for his state of arousal.  
  
"We've all missed you too," Angela confessed, drawing her eyes downwards from his to his bow tie, her hands reaching up and loosening the piece of material around his neck. "You hate these suits. Tell me again why are you wearing one?"  
  
"I was receiving an award tonight at the college. I had to dress up."  
  
"Well you look wonderful." Her eyes had yet to move from him since he had appeared in the doorway. The last thing she wanted to do was jinx whatever had brought him here.  
  
"I wish you were there." He watched her expression, wondering how she felt about him and if he was being presumptuous planning on walking back into her life. "You would have been proud."  
  
Angela looked at him quizzically. "I've always been proud of you—you should know that by now."  
  
"But I quit my job. Told them it wasn't worth losing you over. And then they gave me this award, and I left because I wanted to come here. I wanted to see you."  
  
Angela tried to absorb what he was saying. "You quit?"  
  
"Yeah. And I'm getting Candy to pack all of my stuff up for me."  
  
"You're moving back?"  
  
"Will you still have me?"  
  
Angela couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was too good to be true. "You don't have to go back to Iowa?"  
  
"Not unless you want me to—if you don't want me in your life any more..."  
  
That was all Angela needed to hear to feel assured that Tony was staying for now—that he wouldn't be leaving her right away. In just a few words he had managed to turn her world on its axis and leave her reeling.  
  
9*** Insecurities  
  
There had been a long and lingering silence between them as they stood at the foot of the stairs, longing to forget the hardships of the past few months.  
  
"I'd rather not talk tonight," Angela said quietly, afraid that it was all a dream somehow and it would be wasted talking and possibly arguing. She searched his eyes hoping she'd have some 'preview' of what he wanted.  
  
Tony's hands tightened around her waist while he leaned in for another kiss. "How'd you like to spend tonight," he asked as his lips hovered over hers. The sheer proximity was dizzying—being able to breathe in her scent and hold her seemed too much for him.  
  
"We could get some sleep," Angela breathed, shifting closer to him and feeling the twitching of his erection. "Or we could go to bed." Her eyes focused on his before she pressed a firm kiss against them.  
  
His hands made their way back around her body to the tie at the front of her robe before dipping inside of the terry material and caressing the soft skin of her hips. "Are you ready to have me back in your life?"  
  
Angela could barely muster coherent thought. The warmth of his hands as they made their way up her ribcage was almost paralyzing. All logical thought was as much as a distant memory. "Tony?" Her voice was low and her skin was once again flushed.  
  
"Yes?" There was a notable twinge of concern in his voice when he realized that they had so many unresolved issues yet to face—the most major of which was that they had always agreed to wait until marriage before they'd make love.  
  
He knew it seemed like a silly thing to still be debating—after the mountains they'd climbed to be together again, should they even question it if it felt right?  
  
After all, it wasn't like they had never shared a room. They slept together every night in Iowa, but then it was just sleeping and cuddling. There was no sex, no real romance beyond falling asleep together. They had been trying so hard to make the relationship work within the constraints they had already set for it.  
  
And it certainly was not because they were awkward about their feelings or that they hadn't had any exceptional make out sessions, because in fact it had been quite the contrary. Sometimes Tony and Angela had a hard time stopping themselves from getting too carried away, and the lines between an old decision and a new one became much too blurred. This was quickly becoming one of those times when they could easily fall out of control.  
  
"Will you stay here tonight with me?" Her voice was pleading, and it made him remember all the times where they had just barely managed to stop themselves before moving that little bit too far, and the way she would ask him to hold her for a while.  
  
It nearly killed him to see her insecurity—of anything in the world, he wanted Angela to know how much she meant to him and how permanent of a fixture they were. She had always been such a strong and confident woman and it was his fault that she was standing there uncertain of anything in her life and wishing everything had happened differently.  
  
"Tonight and every night," he promised her, "as long as you'll let me." He removed his hand from her robe and took her hand, leading her up the stairs. This would be his opportunity to hold her again, and tomorrow they would talk.  
  
10*** More Insecurities  
  
Angela had been afraid to close her eyes for fear of ending the dream. She was certain that she'd lose him again, and this time it would be forever. Her fears were too overwhelming to let her sleep.  
  
As the late night twilight disappeared and the early dawn pink light crept through the window, Angela once again let herself take hold of the hand strewn over her hip to softly squeeze it, assuring his presence.  
  
"I'm still here," he whispered, moving closer to hold her more firmly. "You haven't got any sleep yet, have you?"  
  
Angela wondered how he knew. It wasn't like she'd spent the night reading or humming show tunes.  
  
"When you're asleep," he explained, "you cuddle into me and sometimes you talk—last night you didn't move an inch and there might as well been an elephant in here." She still hadn't looked at him.  
  
Angela sighed. He honestly knew her better than anyone else in the world—why did things still seem so uncertain?  
  
His hand lazily stroked the silk of her night gown as he spoke. "You know this is real, right?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"I can't say everything will be easy 'cause it probably won't be but I want to move back in here and if you will have me, as your fiancé. I want us to fix everything that went wrong. But we'll do that later. You need to sleep first," he finished, knowing she probably couldn't verbalize anything.  
  
Closing his eyes, he smiled when she scooted her body back towards his and sighed.  
  
A few minutes later, Tony couldn't help but feel relief when he heard Angela's breathing level out to that of a peaceful slumber.  
  
He knew he had to develop a game plan to make this easier on her. For what was only probably the third time in his long history, he saw that she was slowly letting herself letting herself crumble under the weight of the troubles in her life. Angela Bower was no longer the strong independent business woman with both heart and guts but a really insecure woman.  
  
"I love you," he whispered into her hair, before brushing it away from her face with his fingers. "And I'm going to marry you."  
  
11*** Game Plans  
  
When Tony woke up Angela was nowhere to be seen.  
  
At first when he reached across the bed to see if she had moved away from him, he wondered if maybe she had just gotten up to go to the bathroom, or if she had maybe just needed some time to herself. Either way, he thought, he was worried about her.  
  
Pulling himself together, he decided on a plan of action. First thing, he'd have to do would be to let the family know. He hadn't even spoken to Mona since he'd gotten in to town and he was certain that she would help him figure out what he needed to do.  
  
As he made his way down the steps, Tony couldn't help but grin. He was back home again, and nothing he could ever have done in Iowa would have made him feel better than that knowledge.  
  
Everything still looked more or less the same, albeit not as clean as when he had left it. The pillows on the sofa weren't perfectly aligned with the backrest, and the table had a weird circular mark from a beverage that had been overfilled. But even in its little imperfections, it was home. It was the perfect place to be at any time, and regardless of a few variables. The only thing that mattered to Tony was that his family be there around him. Everything else he could work on.  
  
"Good morning, ya big stud," Tony heard from the far corner. His eyes lit up; Mona was there and she was obviously not too unhappy to see him.  
  
"Hey, Mona!" It felt like a bad movie where the hero would return home from war only to greet everyone in what could only be described as a slow motion dash, but he didn't care. He wanted to give her a hug and reaffirm that everything was indeed for real.  
  
"We've missed you," she assured him as her arms wrapped around him. "It's not been the same around here without you."  
  
"Nobody else would do your laundry?" Tony's tone was teasing, but he somehow knew that everyone's clothing was being sent to the dry cleaners now. One more thing he'd have to change if he wanted the family back on track.  
  
"That too. Doesn't help that my daughter has been a whimpering mess without you, or that we'd given up hope that you'd come back. What took you so long?" She playfully slapped him on the arm, but her expression couldn't hide the fact that it had been really hard on the family.  
  
"I'm sorry Mon. It felt like forever being there without Angela and it felt even longer before I could finally convince myself that she might want me back. Then I convinced myself that even if she didn't want me, I had to come back and find out for myself. I know, it's a horrible excuse, but I promise you, it won't happen again. I can't live without her."  
  
Mona watched him try and explain what had happened to their family, but she knew as well as he did that no matter how distant things had been or how removed they had been from one another; the family unit wasn't functional without all of its members.  
  
"So have you seen her this morning? How is she?"  
  
"She's tired, but ok. I think Angela might be a little scared that you'll wake up and regret everything that you've done—quitting your job and all."  
  
"But I don't."  
  
"She doesn't know that," Mona reminded him.  
  
"She got out of bed before we got to talk. I'd fallen back asleep." Tony mentally kicked himself for falling asleep again after he had managed to get her to sleep for a while. He should have known that she'd wake up even more confused than when she went to bed, but it was nearly impossible for him to stay awake when she was laying there in his arms. Having her so close to him and so peacefully sleeping made him feel more comfortable. It was a long way from their trip to Washington and the insomnia of that journey that had really kick started their relationship. Why were they so good at role-reversals?  
  
"So you slept together, huh?" She couldn't help but ask—it seemed too perfect of a thing to tease him on.  
  
"Mona!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"None of your business," he reminded her, but secretly he was thankful that she was so open to the new beginning he had been seeking with her daughter.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Mona beamed, winking at him. "Now get in there and make her feel better about all of this. She's really insecure right now, and the longer you stay away the harder it's going to be. Don't let her think about it, just tell her the way you feel, and what you want, and then show her." Leaning in for another hug, Mona could help but thank god for whatever was bringing him back to them. "We've missed you, ya big lug, and if you ever do that to us again..."  
  
Before Mona had a chance to finish, Tony interjected. "I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not letting her get rid of me either. No dice. I'm here to stay."  
  
"Glad to hear it," she answered honestly, before showing herself out the door.  
  
Tony smiled. He was home again. Now, all he had to do was talk to Angela and figure out a way to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere.  
  
12*** Conversations and Proposals  
  
"I woke up and there was an empty spot beside me in the bed. It's funny 'cause I was pretty used to sleeping alone until last night, but then when you weren't there I panicked. I wasn't even awake yet, but I was scared that it had all been a dream," Tony said, as he entered the kitchen.  
  
"I couldn't sleep any more and I didn't want to bother you. I figured it was easier for me to come down here and think than to wake you up."  
  
"And talk," Tony leaned in for a good morning kiss. "You could have woken me. I wouldn't have minded."  
  
"I guess not, but still, it seemed like you were tired. I wanted to let you sleep." Angela knew that it was a feeble excuse, but if nothing else he had to give her credit for coming up with it.  
  
"Anyway, good morning." Changing topics seemed like the best (and most comfortable) turn of direction. "Do you want me to make a fresh pot of coffee?"  
  
"No, thanks, not on my account. I've already had three cups."  
  
"Feeling jittery?"  
  
"Feeling a little anxious maybe. But I somehow doubt it's the coffee." Angela forced a smile. Her stomach was doing back flips and telling her that maybe she should just be outright with Tony. Maybe instead of feeling nervous she should tell him how relieved she was and how happy she was to see him. But the cautious side of Angela was telling her to just bite her tongue and wait to see what he had to say. It might be better that way.  
  
"Well if I'm making you anxious, tell me what I have to change and I'll do it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable at all." His sympathetic look only made her feel worse.  
  
"You're not making me feel uncomfortable. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. At this time yesterday I thought that I might never see you again. I was convinced that you'd probably never want to see me again, and that I'd spend the rest of my life missing you. I didn't expect you to show up last night."  
  
"Is it okay that I did?"  
  
Angela looked at him, her guilt at making him feel out of place consuming her. "I missed you so much when you weren't here. All I could think about was how long it took us to get to where we were and then how little time it took to destroy what we built. And then I couldn't help but wonder what I did wrong to make things turn out the way they did, and then it was just a giant snowball effect. But don't ever doubt that I'm not happy to have you back, because as confusing of a time as this is, I've never been happier to see someone as I was last night."  
  
"And this morning, of course," Tony teased.  
  
"And this morning."  
  
There was a calm silence between them as he decided his next move. It wouldn't be the easiest thing he'd ever done, but he'd have to make Angela feel confident in them again, and he'd have to rebuild her confidence which for reasons beyond his comprehension was less than stellar.  
  
"So how is the agency? Things going smoothly."  
  
"More or less. I've been pretty useless lately—just too high-strung to do much. Thankfully it's pretty quiet this time of year. Everyone's holding off to do their after Christmas campaigns in February. January...well, nobody has any money left to spend. They'll start putting money back into their ad budgets the first week of February, and then really push until after spring break and then again in the summer."  
  
Tony couldn't help but grin. After all the years he'd known her, he'd anticipated that answer, and couldn't think of a better segue into what he'd been contemplating.  
  
"Well, since it's so quiet right now, how'd you feel about a little vacation? Let's call it a 'let's get reacquainted' trip?"  
  
Angela looked at him hopefully, unsure if what he was suggesting was what she was hearing.  
  
"I've got a great package from the college with enough money to send us on a trip somewhere and still have money to spare. That is, if you'd be up for a vacation. A week, maybe two?" Tony loved the expression of sheer shock and amazement on her face. If he could make that look become a regular feature around the house every day for the rest of their lives together, Tony couldn't imagine a better gift.  
  
"Where'd you have in mind," Angela asked in a moment of unusual boldness.  
  
"Oh, I don't know. You've mentioned over the years a few places you'd like to go. I was thinking we wouldn't go to Italy because we've been there before, but otherwise, I'm pretty open for suggestions. We could go somewhere exotic like Argentina or an island in the tropics somewhere, or we could go somewhere in Europe. Heck, we could even go somewhere in Asia if you want to really branch out. Any place you want to go would be great."  
  
"Anywhere?"  
  
"Absolutely anywhere. Just tell me where and I can make all the plans."  
  
Angela smiled. If they were going to go on vacation somewhere, she would make sure to chose a locale that promised them ample privacy and opportunity to reaffirm everything they had before she left Iowa.  
  
13*** Welcome Back!  
  
"Tony!" Jonathon couldn't believe what he was seeing. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her ex-fiance—and it was a sight for sore eyes.  
  
"Hey Jonathon! You look great—looks like college life is being good to you." Tony leapt up from his seat at the table and wrapped his arms around the boy. "Hey, you're bulking up, aren't you?"  
  
"Well, I'm trying. They've asked me to do some gymnastics this year, and I kind of couldn't turn them down."  
  
"You just wanted to see all the girls in leotards, didn't you?"  
  
"Can you blame me?" Jonathon winked at Tony, exaggerating the motion. It was so neat to have him back in the house, although somewhat confounding.  
  
"I don't know, buddy, if you're half as competitive as you used to be, you won't have time to look at those girls."  
  
"Oh, I make time," he laughed, almost forgetting his mother was in the room.  
  
Angela watched the two most important men in her life exchange pleasantries and catch up on the past few months. Of all the things she had missed, this ranked in the top five: watching her son and the man she loved bond as if they too were blood. It was better than almost anything she could have ever imagined.  
  
"You look pretty happy—must be good for you."  
  
"Can't hurt that you're back," Angela added, smiling. "Jonathon has had to put up with me ever since I came home."  
  
"And I haven't had a sounding board about which moves will make me look my best," he teased.  
  
"Well, here I am. Maybe later on we can go out and you can show me some of the stuff you've learned—you know, teach an old dog a few new tricks?" Tony smiled, thinking that this was how life was meant to be.  
  
"Only if you promise to tell me what you think about my form. I've got a competition next month and I need to really shape up if I want the gold."  
  
"Ah, but no competitive spirit here, eh?"  
  
"Not my son, never," Angela said, laughing. "You should have seen him practice his acceptance speech for the scholarship—the he found out that they mail it to you. I've never seen him so disappointed."  
  
"Yeah, well I got over it."  
  
"How many times did you give your speech to your roommate?" The gentle teasing was something Tony missed about life in the Bower/Micelli house. When he was in Iowa, life was only about baseball, and football, and any other sport of the season. Moreover, it was nice to see Angela smiling again.  
  
"Enough that he can recite it verbatim whenever I get down on myself." Jonathon blushed.  
  
"I thought so," Angela grinned.  
  
"So Tony, how long are you back for?" He didn't want to ask, but it was better that he not get his hopes up too soon only to find out that his best friend would be leaving soon.  
  
"I'm here for a while," Tony said, looking to Angela for an answer.  
  
"Tony will be moving back in," she provided, letting him off the hook. As much as she appreciated his delicate way around the situation, she'd much rather he stepped up to the plate and just said it.  
  
"For real?" Jonathon was beaming—his happiness about the situation evident.  
  
"For real," Tony confirmed. Hearing it from Angela's mouth had made the entire situation so much more of a reality.  
  
"This is great. Tony, we've missed you!" Wrapping his arms around his friend, Jonathon smiled and leaned in a little closer to whisper in his ear. "She's missed you—a lot, and we've missed you. It wasn't the same around here without you. None of us were."  
  
Tony felt his heart breaking into shards, realizing that his leaving for Iowa, no matter how many times he had assured himself it was for the best, had been the single most destructive force the family had ever seen. Squeezing Jonathon tighter, Tony sighed. "I've missed you kiddo, and I swear to God, I won't ever go anywhere again."  
  
Angela watched the scene before her, feeling moderately more certain of the relationship between her and Tony, and less scared of what was to come.  
  
Now all they had to do was plan a vacation.  
  
***14 Travel Ideas  
  
"Eh oh, you don't even call to say you've moved half way back across the country?" Sam loved the expression on her father's face when she walked in on him sitting with his feet resting on the table absorbing his surroundings.  
  
"Sam!" Tony didn't know he still had it in him until he made his way to his feet and managed to wrap his arms around her without a second thought. "I've missed you sweetie!"  
  
"I've missed you too. But you'd think that would warrant a call to let me know, wouldn't you?" Her stern expression was meant to make him feel bad, but she couldn't help cracking a smile.  
  
"I uh, wanted to wait and see what happened. I didn't want to call you too soon." Tony finally took a step back and examined his daughter. She always looked so much more grown up than she did the last time he'd seen her. It was like she was on a perpetual growth cycle which would make her seem more and more like an adult and make him feel more and more like a senior.  
  
"I know." Falling back into the chair, Sam grinned at her father. "So how did it go?"  
  
Tony shrugged. "It's going to take time."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"But things will be okay?"  
  
"I hope so," Tony said quietly. "It's hard because I've been gone so long, and it's hard because I feel like I need to prove everything to Angela again—it's like we're starting from square one again, and as much fun as it was the first time, it was equally painful. It wasn't easy to get to where we were, and it was even harder to watch it crumble."  
  
"But it won't happen again. You guys love each other too much, and you know that this is what you want. Why would anything go wrong this time?" Sam had never seen him look so scared about anything. His normal confidence was lowered significantly, and instead he seemed more afraid of what was to come.  
  
"Angela's not an easy sell. She's a brilliant woman, and she knows that if it could happen once, it could happen again. I'm not going to let it, but that's still not in the equation. It's not something she's ready to deal with." His expression was sullen. "I need to make her understand. I'm taking her on a trip with me, and we're going to start over again—hopefully we'll get everything cleared up."  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
"Dunno. I told her to choose the place."  
  
"Oh. Well, you'll have a great time no matter where you go, I know. Just don't wait too long to do it."  
  
"We're going soon, before the advertising season picks up and Angela has to worry about work again."  
  
"Good to have you home," Sam said, feeling more than a little overwhelmed by all the changes in their lives.  
  
"Good to be home," he answered honestly.  
  
After a few minutes of just absorbing all of the recent happenings, the wheels in Sam's head began to turn. "Where's Angela?"  
  
"Upstairs—she took a shower and now she's...God knows."  
  
"I'll be right back," Sam said mysteriously, before disappearing up the stairs.  
  
**  
  
"Angela?" Knocking on the door, Sam wondered if she might be pushing it with the idea she had.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"You know it—is it safe to come in?"  
  
In what seemed like an instant the door flew open and Angela had wrapped her arms around the younger girl. "It's been too long honey; oh I've missed you so much!"  
  
"I've missed you too, Angela," Sam confessed, allowing herself to hug Angela back. She hadn't realized how much she had missed her until they were standing there face to face.  
  
"I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to see you before now—it's just been so hard. Everything's been so difficult lately." Angela could barely believe that she was tearing up, but the mere sight of her almost-daughter was enough to revisit all those feelings of loneliness and sadness from the not so distant past.  
  
"I know. I understand. Why do you think I wasn't trying harder to see you? I wanted to, but I couldn't imagine facing you." Sam smiled, before making herself comfortable on the bed. "But now things are on the mend, if not better, so we might as well enjoy what we can now."  
  
"We can," Angela said, still feeling awkward with the happy feelings that were starting to circulate inside of her. Her skepticism was on a rapid decrease while cautious optimism crept in.  
  
"So, more importantly, I hear you and Dad are going on a trip somewhere...Any ideas yet?"  
  
Angela tried to feign ignorance, but Sam's poking forced her into submission. "Okay, okay, I've thought of a few things. A beach somewhere warm and beautiful sounds nice..."  
  
"But over done. Don't you want something unique?"  
  
"I thought about going to Europe. I'd like to visit Germany—I've never been." Now testing the waters, Angela was thrilled that she could have a sounding board on where to go. She didn't want to talk to Tony until she'd thought through the suggestions instead of just taking random thoughts to him.  
  
"Germany's nice, I hear. But do you think that's special enough?" Without being too negative (incase Angela hated her idea, she hardly wanted to over- influence her) Sam tried to bring Angela to the middle ground, where she might be interested in hearing suggestions.  
  
"You've obviously got something in mind, don't you?" Angela eyed the girl, trying to figure out what she was thinking.  
  
"Well there's this trip that my friend Cynthia just got back from for her honeymoon, and she said it was the most romantic time of her life." Sam felt giddy at the mere idea of the trip. As soon as Cynthia had told her about it, she had fallen in love with the idea.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And it's really romantic. And you can customize it so you can do exactly what you want—they have like, half a dozen itineraries you can choose from."  
  
"Uh huh?" Angela loved that Sam was getting that worked up about the entire thing.  
  
"Anyway, it's a train tour through the Canadian Rockies, and they went for five days because that's all they could afford, but I guess the tours can last up to two weeks. You get a private room aboard the train and you can travel to different points along the way. Some nights they stayed in fancy hotels, and others they slept on the train." Sam tried to gauge Angela's reaction.  
  
"A train ride huh?" Angela couldn't help be intrigued by the idea. Their trip to Washington on the train had been a life altering voyage, and this could very well be the next pivotal time in their lives. Why not revisit the memories?  
  
"It's really beautiful, in the Rockies, in the winter. Cynthia just got home about a week and a bit ago, and she's already missing the traveling."  
  
"And you said that you can get off the train at stops and do things?"  
  
"Depending on the package you choose, yeah, there are a lot of different options. And I hear there's this stop at Lake Louise that's absolutely heavenly..." Sam grinned at Angela. "So, what do you think? I hope you don't mind, but when dad told me about your vacation, I thought of this trip and how perfect it would be for you."  
  
"Mind? I think it's a great idea," Angela admitted, having more than a little difficulty hiding her enthusiasm.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm going to call a travel agent this afternoon—that's how much I like it." Once again locking the girl in a tight hug, Angela beamed. "I'm so glad things are on their way back to normal."  
  
"Same here. There'll be a lot happening over the next few months. It'll be really busy." A barely concealed smile appeared on her lips.  
  
"I know...It's going to be pretty hectic."  
  
Plans were falling in to place, Angela realized, and it had come a long way from where it had been the day before. It was hard to believe that less than twenty four hours ago she was laying in the bathtub feeling sorry for herself, and now she had her fiancé back, and they were going to be taking a most extravagant trip.  
  
15*** Making Plans  
  
"I've figured it out," Angela said, as she made her way down the stairs. She might as well tell him now where they were going.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
Tony looked at her more than a little confused. "So what did you figure out?"  
  
"Where we should go for our vacation." Sitting down in the chair across from where he was seated, Angela couldn't help but notice his disappointment that she hadn't sat beside him—it was another thing that hadn't changed. Whenever she took a seat, she'd always sit beside him because otherwise he'd get that puppy dog look on his face that would be enough to make her feel guilty. "Alright, alright, I'll sit over there." Secretly, she found this to be very rewarding—even if it was at his initial expense.  
  
His eyes lit up as she sat next to him, snuggling down beside him into a spot that had been warmed by his body earlier. "So where did you come up with?"  
  
"Don't laugh..." She warned him.  
  
"You think I'll laugh? Why would I laugh?"  
  
"Because," she thought it through before she began to speak again. "Because it's not what you might consider a place we'd go to."  
  
He looked at her quizzically, and when she felt sufficiently assured that he was confused, she decided it would be okay to tell him. "It's this tour through Western Canada...We can go for five days...or we could go for two weeks."  
  
"Canada in the winter? Is that such a good idea?"  
  
"You're worried about the weather?"  
  
"How'd you guess? Remember that client you had...from Toronto or something...The temperature was in the minus thirties..." Tony looked concerned that he'd have to pile on the clothes just to spend time with her.  
  
"Western Canada is warmer. And besides, we'd be indoors for most of it. When we aren't indoors, we'll be well bundled." Angela leaned in closer. "And I promise to help warm you up if you ever get cold."  
  
That seemed to seal the deal. Even if it meant freezing his butt off most of the time, having her there to warm him up was a far enough trade.  
  
"So Western Canada...do you want to tell me the details, or are you content leaving me in the lurch about where we'll be?" Tony was starting to shed his initial hesitation. Where ever they ended up, it was only really important that they ended up together.  
  
"You'll see all the details later. Just tell me, how long are we going?"  
  
"You know, this was supposed to be my treat to you—if you're doing all the work, then it's not much of a treat," Tony countered.  
  
"But being able to plan this is very exciting for me. I really couldn't enjoy it more. Even the research has been fun so far, and I've only made two phone calls." Angela smiled sweetly before she moved a little closer to him. She knew exactly what would make him squirm, and this would in turn ensure she'd get her way.  
  
"No fair—do we have to initiate the 'no arguing by proximity' rule again?" Tony couldn't help but remember the rule they had initiated early on in their relationship. It was amazing how much control she could exert over him by only undoing a button on her blouse or by moving in nearer to him. If Angela went as far as to even touch his hand, he was putty.  
  
"Depends, am I going to lose if we do?"  
  
The friendly teasing banter and the way the argument had progressed into verbal foreplay was oddly comforting in that it reminded both of them how little they'd lost over the months they were apart.  
  
"You win. Kiss me?"  
  
"You're a push over," Angela whispered as she leaned in for a kiss. "And how long are we gone for?"  
  
"You decide. Just take my credit card for the reservations, and do whatever you have to." Tony drew in his breath, pleased that things were going so well.  
  
"I'll make the calls and we'll work it out. Meanwhile, we will need to discuss things a little more thoroughly."  
  
"Things?"  
  
"Us."  
  
"Oh." He wished he could sound more optimistic, but it was amazing how hard it was to feign excitement over something that sounded so dubious.  
  
"Not necessarily in a bad way," Angela pointed out, before realizing that he was concerned about what they had to talk about. "But in that: 'we've been separated for months and now you're back, are we still engaged?' way."  
  
"Oh, that way," Tony replied half-heartedly, still concerned by the direction of the conversation.  
  
It was obvious that the reply didn't quite suit what she had anticipated, because Angela's eyes were quickly cast downwards and away from him.  
  
"No, that's not what it sounded like, I swear. It's just...do you want to marry me still?"  
  
Angela looked at him, worried that her eyes betrayed her. She did want to, and everything up until that moment had made her think that they had stood a chance to go back to where they were and make it work.  
  
"I'd like to marry you, if you'll have me back. I still have the engagement ring—if you'll wear it. And for that matter, we still have the invitations, so if we wanted to get married this May, we could mail those out tomorrow and everything would be set."  
  
"True, it would be fiscally irresponsible to waste all these previously manufactured goods. We could save so much money if we just did it now, and worried later..." Angela hadn't intended to sound so bitter, but somehow she was only seeing the bottom line: that they could still use all their old stuff.  
  
"Eh oh, oh eh, that's not what I'm saying!" Tony's disappointed look was enough to make her feel bad about having thought the worst.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said too quickly, only making the situation more awkward.  
  
"Look, it's not about saving money—I'd sell everything I owned just to do something for you if that's what it would take to make you happy. I just don't understand why we shouldn't put things back on track and get married when we planned to when things are going so well. I don't doubt I want to marry you; I've never wanted anything more in my life."  
  
"Really, I'm sorry...I guess it's just a knee-jerk reaction. It's easier to be hurt than have to make a decision?" Angela sighed. "Do you have the ring here?"  
  
"Yeah. In my bag upstairs."  
  
"Go get it," she told him, as if she was just telling him to get his car keys.  
  
"Angela?"  
  
"Go get it," Angela repeated. "And while you're at it, bring the box of invitations down from Sam's old room. We'll discuss this one you propose properly." It was almost impossible for her to maintain her nonchalant tone. At just the thought of wearing the ring again, her heart skipped beats.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Go!"  
  
As Tony raced up the stairs, Angela couldn't help but grin. The last time she had proposed to him, after he had proposed three or four times at least. This time everything would be starting out right.  
  
***16 Discussions  
  
"Okay, I found 'em, but later on I gotta clean that room out. How many quilts did you make in Iowa?" Tony bounded down the stairs, box of invitations in hand, and the ring in his pocket.  
  
When Angela wasn't sitting on the couch where he had left her, his heart automatically jumped into panic mode. She had to be around somewhere, but what if she had gone somewhere because she had changed her mind? What if she had realized that it was a bad idea to welcome him back so easily into her life.  
  
"Angela?" Dumping the box on floor by the bottom of the stairs, his mind began to fill with about a half dozen concerns—all of which made him feel even more anxious than he had already. "Angela?"  
  
Rushing through to the kitchen, he checked there first, hoping she was just getting a drink or a snack—anything but gone.  
  
"Angela?" As he bounded his way back into the living room he was surprised to see her sitting on the stairs leading to the office.  
  
"Hey," she said, shocked by his panic.  
  
"Hey." A flood of relief washed over him as he realized that she was only a few feet away.  
  
Patting the space beside her Angela waited until he sat down before she began the conversation. "You know, I worry about losing you again because I love you so much, Tony, that it scares me to think that you might not be around tomorrow, or the day after, or any day. And I have to work through that; I have to come to terms with the fact that not only are you back in my life, but you're back and you plan on staying. You have to do the same. You can't worry about me every second you don't see me just as I can't worry about you every second I don't see you. I trust you—with all my heart."  
  
"I know, but it's so hard to do, you know? I mean, you try but convincing your heart ain't easy. My heart wants to think that it's been broken too many times." Tony sighed, trying to regain his composure.  
  
"I'm going to stay here as long as you'll let me, remember?"  
  
He smiled. He remembered telling her that a long time ago, and then again the night before.  
  
"So, did you find it?"  
  
"I did," Tony replied, "but I was thinking. Last time you proposed to me, and this time, it would be my turn to propose to you...Doing it this way isn't very romantic, and I kindda want this to be perfect this time. Ya know?" The nervous feeling in his stomach had now churned into a different kind of anxiety.  
  
"That does sound wonderful," Angela said hesitantly.  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I don't know how long I can wait...I mean, we've already wasted a lot of time." Her voice was small and unsure, as if she wasn't really confident giving voice to her thoughts.  
  
"Well, how 'bout this: I'll pick a good time soon to re-propose, but I won't make you wait to long to get to wear it again." Angela's desire to get married sooner rather than later thrilled him to no end. Finally they were at the point of just wanting to get married.  
  
"It's not that...as much as..."  
  
"You want the wedding to be here and over with? Well, we won't have to worry about it too much, because we can just pick up where we left off, more or less, right?"  
  
"It's what comes after the wedding that I'm worried about."  
  
"The honeymoon?"  
  
"What we do on the honeymoon."  
  
Tony looked at her blankly for what seemed like an eternity before he clued in to what she was saying.  
  
"I know you want to wait until we're married and I respect that, I really do Tony, but it's hard when all I really want to do is go to bed with you at any moment and make love to you."  
  
Tony was astounded. There was no way around it. He was shocked beyond belief by her bluntness. The topic of sex had never really been addressed that forwardly. It was all really just a matter of subtle hints and conversations with steamy glares and knowing nods.  
  
"We've been best friends for what is more or less a decade. I've been in love with you since the first time you kissed me. That's nine years give or take. I've not made love with a man since Barry, and that wasn't exactly what one might call Olympic sporting. Don't get me wrong Tony; this isn't going to break us up, because that's most certainly not what I'm saying."  
  
Tony put all of his effort into willing the blood to rush back to his brain instead of filling other parts of his body. It was the most amazing (albeit difficult) discussion he had ever had because for the first time in a long time he realized that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.  
  
"I was just always raised that an Italian man is built for lovin' women, and for takin' care of women, but that the women you play with aren't the women you live with...It doesn't translate well but really, what the saying means is that women are beautiful and men enjoy that, but the woman you love is the one you respect so much that you wait for her." Tony felt his will crumbling.  
  
"Tony, if this can't be considered waiting, then dear God I don't know what is. Honestly, Tony, how many people in Brooklyn or in Italy for that matter, wait a decade to be together?" She wasn't trying to destroy his moral fiber but at the same time, she needed him to know how she felt.  
  
"You got me there."  
  
"Look, I'm not trying to tell you that I'm going to jump you here and now for a quickie, because that's not what I want either. I still want our first time together to be special. I'm just saying that if you don't propose to me in the near future, and we don't get married in said near future, I'm going to go crazy. I mean, we have fun together, but I really am getting tired of stopping at a little petting." Her hand rested on his knee, and she leaned in closer to him. "This time it's for real—we're going to stay together. I'm really just scared of all these hypotheticals we still have in our lives."  
  
"Hey Angela?"  
  
"Yes Tony?"  
  
"I think that you've spent too much time with your mother," he teased. "She's broken down your will."  
  
Angela couldn't help but laugh. He always knew how to break the tension.  
  
"I think it's you who's broken my will. I have never been this... any way, over a guy. It's all your fault."  
  
"Ah, but I'm not just any guy..." Tony's hand rested on hers.  
  
"You got that right," she said smiling as she thought about what they had just discussed. This was a huge step for her—to finally verbalize what she wanted. And she was certainly proud of herself.  
  
"You're making plans for the trip?"  
  
"Yep. I think we'll have to leave sooner than we thought, but it will be a nice distraction." Angela winked at him before she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.  
  
*** 17 Arrivals  
  
"Okay, you win. I can't see any snow. Mind you I can't see across the tarmac either—the rain is distracting me." Tony squeezed Angela's hand.  
  
"Well, you never said anything about rain. God knows we had enough snow back home."  
  
"True. But still..."  
  
"No buts, this is going to be great." Angela watched as the rain pounded against the wing of the plane. She almost hoped the weather would hold out, giving them reason to just spend time with each other.  
  
**  
  
"You never told me that you arranged a limo to pick us up from the airport." Tony reveled in the smooth leather seats and small bar in front of him.  
  
"You've been in a limo before, haven't you?"  
  
"Yeah, when I was driving it. Remember, when the agency got a limo?"  
  
"I had totally forgotten about that," Angela laughed. "You did look very cute in the chauffeur outfit though."  
  
Tony blushed. "So what other surprises do you have in mind?"  
  
"Quite a few. But you'll just have to wait and see." With a mischievous gleam in her eye, Angela leaned in closer to him and decided to just relax for a bit. She had read that the ride would be about twenty minutes, and as far as she was concerned that was 20 minutes she could be resting.  
  
*  
  
"A train?"  
  
"A ten day train tour through the Rockies and over to Toronto where we'll catch a return flight home." Angela waited for him to absorb the details of their trip, hoping that in the end he'd agree that it was a good selection. "With stops in between at 10 different cities with sights to see and important things to do." Waiting for the bellhop, it seemed like the only good way to spend the time: telling him what they'd be doing for their vacation.  
  
"Important things, huh?"  
  
"Well, we have to take in a day in Banff with the hot springs and it would be a crime not to visit Lake Louise properly when we get there."  
  
Tony grinned. "This will be great," he admitted, surprised by the itinerary and by the lengths to which Angela had planned the trip.  
  
"Ten nights sleeping in fancy hotels and then in our very own train cabin for the last two nights—who could ever hate that, right?"  
  
"You know, this kind of reminds me of our trip to Washington." Tony watched Angela's expression, hoping he hadn't hit a bone of contention.  
  
"Me too, except this time you'll hopefully be able to sleep. I'd hate to think that you'd go the next ten days without any rest." Wrapping her arm in his, Angela pulled him closer as they watched the limo driver load their things onto the baggage compartment of the bellhop.  
  
"I don't know, you still make it hard," Tony said without really considering the connotations.  
  
Angela looked at him flirtatiously.  
  
"I meant that you make it hard to sleep sometimes." Tony realized that he was blushing a lovely crimson, he was sure, and all because he misspoke. He'd certainly have to be more aware if he was going to keep things comfortable between them.  
  
"I'm sure," she said teasingly. "You certainly don't make it easy."  
  
Entering the Sheraton Wall Centre, Tony couldn't believe how many of the walls were covered in canvas paintings of rich (and probably dead) people.  
  
"Proprietors of the hotel at one point, I'm sure," Angela said, acknowledging the creepy portraits.  
  
"As long as there isn't one in our room, I'll be happy," Tony whispered, his hand resting on the small of her back as they followed the bellhop to their room.  
  
18*** First Night  
  
"Tony, do you know where I put my make up bag?" Angela had locked herself in the bathroom minutes before, desperate to find some under eye conceallor and some more foundation.  
  
He thought about it for a moment, before replying. "I think it was in your carry-on. Or mine. You kept running out of space, remember?"  
  
She laughed. It certainly felt like they were married—at least in some aspects. "And do you know where the carry-ons are?"  
  
"Right here, want me to bring it to you?"  
  
"Please?"  
  
Riffling through the bag to find the make-up bag, Tony marveled at how much stuff they had packed. "Make up bag...check. Anything else?"  
  
"That's it thanks," she called back. She had remembered her nightgown and housecoat, and she even remembered her slippers. How she managed to forget her make up she had no clue.  
  
Reaching her hand around the door frame, she laughed when Tony had called in at her. "You decent?"  
  
"You could call it that," Angela replied, her hand still waving outside the door waiting for him to pass her the bag.  
  
Taking her hand in his, Tony took the liberty of opening the door carefully so as to not hit her with it and wrapped his arms around her. "Why do you need your make up bag, or am I allowed to ask?"  
  
Angela was in a state of complete shock. She hadn't expected him to be joining her in the bathroom, let alone asking her questions about her intentions.  
  
"I just wanted to touch up my makeup," she said nonchalantly.  
  
"Eh oh, oh eh, why you wearin' make up to bed?" He hadn't meant to eye her quite so suspiciously, but at the same time he wanted to nip any conflict in the bud.  
  
She looked at him, her glare a mixture of frustration and a bit of anxiety.  
  
"You're absolutely beautiful with or without make up and wearing it to be is just going to make you uncomfortable. Why not take it off and then come lay down with me so we can talk about tomorrow?"  
  
Angela tried not to tell him that she wasn't ready for him to see her in all her gorey sallow puffy bags-under-eyes lack of perfection.  
  
"Ang, you're bein' silly now. Because I've never seen you look less than wow, and you don't have to do something silly like wear make-up to bed for me. If you're doing it for you, well...then it's your call." Placing a tender kiss to her forehead, Tony released his grasp on her and smiled. "I love you because sometimes you're not perfect too, ya know."  
  
Pulling the door shut behind him, Tony hoped it worked—he really hoped that she understood how attractive she was to him, regardless of make up. Not that he didn't think she looked absolutely amazing with it on, but he certainly didn't think it was what made her.  
  
A few minutes later, when Angela opened the door from the bathroom, Tony waited with baited breath to see the result of their conversation.  
  
"You win, although I'll have you know it's your fault if you get scared by the luggage under my eyes," Angela said, making her way into the room.  
  
"Wow," Tony said, happily praising the woman he loved in a long pink silky nightgown with matching silk and lace dressing gown.  
  
"You're sweet," she said, feeling somewhat more self-conscious as she realized that she had been convinced by her mother to buy a new robe before the trip.  
  
"I'm serious. You look amazing. You look really, really beautiful." Tony eyed her carefully, happy to see that she hadn't put more make up on, and in fact it looked like she had taken some off. "You're just such an amazing woman, and so naturally beautiful, I can't believe you want to spend the rest of your life with me."  
  
Sitting down on the bed beside him, Angela laughed. "And you'd think that why? You're an incredibly handsome man with a body that most men would kill for and women salivate for...And you're sweet, and sensitive. And remarkable."  
  
Leaning in for a kiss, Tony grinned. "Is that new?"  
  
Angela nodded. "Mother and I hit Bloomingdales the day after I made the reservations. You like it?"  
  
"You look amazing in it. It fits you really...wow," Tony said, drawing the conclusion that coherent speech was too great a chore for him to master anytime in the near future.  
  
As her lips pressed against his, she made a point of taking his hand in hers and letting it feel the cool smoothness of the material sending shivers down her spine.  
  
"You're a cruel, cruel woman, you know that?" Tony managed a sentence, barely, as their lips parted.  
  
"Hmm, I'm not the one who said they wanted to wait."  
  
"I'm seriously reconsidering."  
  
"I think it's too late to reconsider now," Angela mumbled as she moved back in for another kiss. She knew it would only get as far as heavy petting, but at this point, she'd take what she could get.  
  
18*** Wake Up Calls  
  
"Good morning," Angela whispered, fairly certain that the shifting going on behind her was because Tony was starting to wake up. Mind you, it had hardly meant that his grasp on her had loosened much.  
  
"Morning," Tony mumbled, obviously still asleep.  
  
"I need to get up and go pee," Angela replied quietly, hoping that even in his state of unconsciousness he'd let go of his grip on her.  
  
Sure enough his arm rose like a little toll bridge. Angela smiled at the state of Tony's pajama top, which had been revealed with the shifting of the sheets. The night before, after their impromptu make out session, they had misaligned his buttons, making him now look as if he was a little boy trying to dress himself.  
  
As he curled back into the bed, wrapping himself again in the blankets, Angela marveled at how much she loved that man. There was no way to describe the way her heart skipped every time she thought about marrying him, and there was certainly no way to explain how he'd managed to steal her heart so quickly. He'd had her at hello.  
  
Padding on to the bathroom, she wondered if there were any hurdles left for them. If there were, she'd have to come up with a way to get around them, because there was no chance in hell she would go through the pain of losing him again.  
  
**  
  
"I'm just calling to check in on you," Angela whispered into the phone. It seemed like a reasonable enough thing to do: check on her family despite being on vacation. She was fairly certain that Jonathon would be fine, but her mother always left her more than a little distressed. Mona wasn't the most responsible or reliable of people, and just by calling in, Angela felt a degree of relief. She just needed to know that her mother wasn't getting into any trouble.  
  
"Then why are you whispering," Mona asked, confused.  
  
"Because Tony's still sleeping. We were up late, and he's tired," Angela offered innocently.  
  
"What were you doing up so late?" The wicked tone of her voice made Angela more than aware of what she was implying. "Anything fun?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep," Angela offered. "Don't forget we're three hours behind here now, and it's really strange for it to be nine o'clock for us, but really only six pm here."  
  
"So, it's six am there, and you're up...so you decided to call me?"  
  
"I woke up, thought I'd check in, and then I'll wake Tony in an hour or so if he doesn't wake up on his own. He might as well enjoy the rest—we've got a long trip ahead of us today before we make it to Kamloops."  
  
"Well, don't worry about us. We're having a great time, and enjoying the quiet around here. When you get to Fruitloops, don't bother to call." Mona grinned, hoping she'd get the expected rise out of her daughter. It was so much nicer to be able to pick on her again instead of being stuck with feeling sorry for her.  
  
"Kamloops. And we won't. It's just the initial worry. By the time we get there I'm sure I'll be too busy to care what you're doing." Smiling, Angela knew that she had beat her mother. Normally, she would have been argumentative, but it didn't seem worthwhile to argue. Half the fun was in knowing she'd won by being the bigger woman.  
  
"Travel safely," Mona said in mock frustration.  
  
"Love you mother, give our love to Sam and Jonathon too..."  
  
Hanging up the phone, Angela thought through her plans for the next few days. Tony's affect on her was even greater than she remembered—she was even mysteriously above her mother's torture.  
  
"How are they," Tony asked from his spot on the bed.  
  
"Did I wake you? I'm so sorry," Angela apologized, wondering why she had been so stupid as to call so early. She should have waited until he was awake to make the phone call, she thinks.  
  
"No, no, it wasn't you. I woke up and you still hadn't come back. I was curious, is all." Patting the bed beside him, Tony wondered if she was as groggy as he was. They'd really exerted some energy the night before, and although it never really broke past very passionate making out, it was enough to make him sleep very soundly.  
  
"I just thought it would be good to call home and check in. You know me; I worry about mother when I'm not around to chastise her for doing some of the things she does." Crawling back into the bed beside him, Angela rested her chin on his chest as her fingers toyed with his buttons.  
  
"They're pretty big kids, you know," Tony teased. Truth be told, he felt better knowing that everyone was doing well, even if it meant a phone call back periodically.  
  
"I know. But they're our big kids—that changes everything." The smile on her face quickly turned from innocent to naughty. "You know, now that we know they're okay, we can work on making sure we're okay. We have four hours before we have to be downstairs. And we have three hours until our wake up call comes in."  
  
"So you want to watch early morning Canadian television and discuss the news?" Tony loved to tease her. Especially when she was being so forthright about what she wanted. He had never anticipated the honesty in their relationship.  
  
"You can. I can find other ways to entertain myself if you'd rather," Angela grinned wryly.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Uh huh. I mean, I don't want to interrupt your news. I hope you don't mind a really one sided discussion though." Rolling away from him and on to her side with her back towards him, she waited for him to break. It would only be a matter of seconds, she thought, before Tony would realize she was serious.  
  
Pulling the covers up a little higher, Angela's hands dipped underneath and she decided to play with his gullibility a bit. Exaggerating her movements, she tenderly palmed her breasts and released a small moan.  
  
"Angela!" Tony whined, wishing for the first time that they weren't sharing a room.  
  
"Mm-hmm," she asked through pursed lips.  
  
"No fair! That's...that's not allowed!" He hated to sound like a child but there was no way he could lay beside her with her making those noises knowing what she was doing, and full well wishing he was participating.  
  
"Well," she said in a low voice, "you did want to watch the news. I would hate to deprive you of that. And I did want to relieve some energy. Maybe even catch a bit more sleep I can work off enough of this."  
  
Reaching over her, Tony carefully turned her to face him. "I'd rather be with you than anything else in the world, every time."  
  
The genuine tone of his voice almost made her feel guilty for toying with him as she had, although she had to admit he had it coming.  
  
"And I with you," she replied softly. "So, I might be able to lure you away from the news?"  
  
"Done," he said. "And amazing but true, I suddenly have all this energy I'd like to exert on you."  
  
Angela smiled. "Just remember, north of the equator or outside the o- zone."  
  
"Eck, did you have to call it that?"  
  
"You're the one who made the rules—I just enforce them," she teased, laughing against his mouth as he leaned in for a feverish kiss.  
  
19*** Dinner Talk  
  
"I swear you're making it impossible for me to survive this trip," Tony said quietly across the table. The dining area of the restaurant was more than just posh—it was undeniably the ritziest place he had ever been in.  
  
"Oh?" She tried to feign innocence, but there was no way she could forget how much she had been toying with him ever since they left Connecticut. Now, four days into their trip, she was learning to enjoy the pained expression he'd wear when she'd just so happen to forget something in the suite and have to have him bring it to her when she was in the shower. Or, she'd need to dig around the suite looking for something to wear, meanwhile only wearing a towel. As far as she was concerned, she was just trying to tease him, although a part of her wondered if this was, in some way, a part of a bigger plan to get him to propose sooner.  
  
"Don't play that game with me, Angela, because I know the truth—I know that you can be cruel and torturous." He smiled. "I've been the victim of your feminine wiles for longer than I care to admit."  
  
"And what are you saying, Mr. Micelli? It's not going to work anymore? I'm going to have to get more creative?" Angela grinned.  
  
"I'm saying...I'm the luckiest man in the world to have you in my life, and to have you playing these games with me." Taking her hand from across the table, Tony beamed as he ran his fingers over her smooth skin.  
  
"I only play because I love you." Angela felt obligated to offer him some sort of answer. It seemed only fair.  
  
"I know, and I love you. That's the only reason I haven't broken under the pressure from everything so far. Because I really do want to marry you before we go beyond fooling around." Searching her eyes, he hoped that she still felt comfortable in waiting for this part of their relationship. "It's been harder, since I came back from Iowa, not to do something inappropriate."  
  
"Tony, we've done a lot of things that were probably inappropriate." She blushed at the realization that she had really been pushing some boundaries.  
  
Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, Tony pulled out the engagement ring he'd been holding on to. "Angela, we've come a long way in the past few weeks, from insecure to comfortable, from being shy to flirting, and beyond. We've really done so much to mend our relationship, and I feel like this trip has been the best thing we've ever done for us. I'm so happy to be here with you, and I want to have you with me for the rest of our lives—if you'll say yes again?" Showing her the ring, he waited until she nodded her head and then he slid it on her ring finger.  
  
"Still fits," she said, quietly.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"We're going to make this official? We're going to get married—for real this time?"  
  
"For real this time," he assured her as he rose from his chair to kneel beside her. "I love you, Angela Catherine Bower, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with than you." Place a chaste kiss against her cheek, Tony felt like he had just made the most fulfilling move of his life.  
  
**  
  
"When you said you wanted to wait, does that still apply?" Angela took the clip out of her hair and made sure that it still looked okay. The urge to make love to Tony was greater now than ever before, and she genuinely wasn't sure she could wait. It just seemed so right to make love to him now, and if the timing felt right, why couldn't they?  
  
Sitting on the bed, unlacing his shoes, Tony sighed. "It's hard to explain," he admitted. "I don't want you to ever think that I proposed so we could make love."  
  
"But that's not what I'm thinking. I'm just saying that the timing seems really right to me, and I was wondering if you felt that way too?" Sitting beside him, she took his hand in hers and waited to hear his response.  
  
"I don't want you to think I don't respect you enough to wait."  
  
"I don't think that. Not at all. I don't want to wait, and that's not because I don't respect you. I just love you so much it hurts sometimes, and I don't think that making love is going to destroy us."  
  
Tony tried to put together at least one coherent thought. Unfortunately his brain was telling him something different than he was use to, which was to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy being in love with such an amazing person. "We've waited so long to get to this point, and we've never talked about this much. But it's not because I didn't think about it."  
  
Watching his expression, she wondered if she was maybe pressuring him for something that she had no right to ask. She didn't want to pressure him into making love to her, and the fact that he was arguing that they shouldn't make love seemed like a good enough reason to stop the discussion. He wasn't ready, and she had no right to force him. "You know what? I love you, and I have no right to be doing this to you. So, let's end this discussion, and we'll get some sleep. Tomorrow we're going to Jasper for a trip around the park and we certainly want to be too exhausted to enjoy it." Squeezing his had, she got up and found her nightgown before slipping into the bathroom to change.  
  
"Angela?"  
  
"It's alright, Tony, we don't need to keep discussing this. I'm being unreasonable, and I'm sorry," she called through the door, as she dried the tears that had fallen since she left her spot beside him. It was much harder than she ever would have thought to refrain from making love to him. She was just so wrapped up in everything about him that she actually craved the contact.  
  
Double checking that her eyes didn't tell too much of her emotions, Angela pulled herself together and made her back into the room. "Good night, Tony," she said softly, as she pulled the blankets up over her. He was already lying in his spot, looking adorable as always. He snuggled in nearer to her.  
  
"I love you Angela—I really do. Tonight's just not right," he whispered against her hair.  
  
Squeezing her gently, Tony wondered if he had just made things more complicated between them.  
  
20*** History Lessons  
  
Waking up seemed like it was much too awkward for words. They had spent the past two days avoiding any intense physical contact, and in turn, tiptoeing around the topic of making love. Instead, they became rapt in the snow covered nature that surrounded them, and the way everything seemed so serene, despite the trainload of tourists visiting.  
  
This morning was just as much like the two before. Angela woke up, and noticed he was still holding her. She used the pretense of being asleep as motivation to snuggle further back against him, and then she closed her eyes again and day dreamed. It seemed like such a high-school thing to do, but then again, if that was all the contact she would get, she had might as well make it good.  
  
Tony for his part just seemed to hold her. He'd readjust after she'd move further back, but until then he'd lay there rather peacefully, in a state of non-stirring awake.  
  
"This was our last night in a stationary bed," Tony mumbled. "The next two days are gonna be on the train, right?"  
  
Angela felt almost robbed of the pleasant quiet, now certain that he'd release her soon enough, and she'd be back to keeping a comfortable distance.  
  
"Um, yes. We're heading on to Toronto."  
  
Sure enough, his arm moved just after that statement and instead of staying in bed, he lept out. "Should get packing then. And we'll need some breakfast too." Finding his slippers, he busied himself.  
  
"I'm sorry," Angela whispered, not sure this was a conversation to be revisiting, but still certain she had to apologize for effectively wrecking his life.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, I'm sorry."  
  
"For?" Tony lifted one of the suitcases onto the bed and rummaged for his wardrobe for the day.  
  
"For pressuring you about making love. I really didn't have any right to make you feel like I did, and I feel really horrible that you're not comfortable with me anymore. I hate that we have this...damn dance around each other." Angela sat up, the blankets pooling at her hips, her hands propped behind her making an enticing arch in her back that he couldn't help but notice.  
  
"Angela, we really don't need to talk about this again," he countered.  
  
"But we do, because you've kissed me three times since then...Three times in as many days, and that was just to say goodnight."  
  
"This is 'bout me not kissin' you enough?" Tony looked at her confused, and more than a little frustrated. He was having a hard enough time looking at her without having to be told he was kissing her enough. After all, he thought, he was just a man.  
  
"No, it's about us not being affectionate towards each other because I'm afraid I'm going to push you too far, and I think you're afraid I'm going to expect too much. Either way, I miss what we had, and I'm sorry I messed it up. But I want it back." Angela watched his expression for signs of comprehension. Even evidence of being upset or offended would rank higher than the blank glare he offered.  
  
"Do you think we talk about this too much?"  
  
His question took her by surprise. Of all the phrases she expected to follow her plea that was not one of them.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Because, I'm just thinkin' that it doesn't feel natural to talk about it this much, or to think about it this much. I feel like maybe we're puttin' all our energy in to talking about it, and not enough into just enjoyin' what we have."  
  
It was Angela's turn to stare at him blankly. Was he giving her the brush off?  
  
"Even though what we have is cold and disjointed?" She hadn't meant to sound so harsh, by any means, but he had just exasperated her to no end. It seemed like no matter what tactic she tried, she couldn't win for losing.  
  
"Eh oh, oh eh, it's not cold. We're plenty hot, and my cold showers have proven it." Tony looked at her in despair. "I'm just thinking that the reason I might be so uncomfortable making love to you is because we talk about it so much. It's been so built up, and it's been so long coming that it scares me to think what might come of it. And the more we talk about it, and the more we analyze our relationship, the more I feel like maybe it's just proof it's not the right time."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh?" The tone of her voice had been foreboding, and Tony was certain things were only going to get worse.  
  
"So we're never going to make love because you're worried it might not be as good as we've built up in our minds?" Leaning forward, Angela wondered how many times he could fold and unfold those socks in his hands.  
  
"Not never. Just sometime when we don't need to talk about it so much." Tony searched her eyes for an answer. He knew that wasn't the reply Angela was looking for, but he couldn't just say something to make her feel better. That wasn't him.  
  
"I see. Well...At least I know what your prerequisites for making love are. I really should have talked to Kathleen about it before I got involved with you maybe, just to be clear as to what you require...Oh wait, you had no issues jumping into bed with her. Maybe I should call up Frankie. It's been a while, but she seemed pretty impressed about the results of your weekend with her. She was ready to marry you. Maybe she could give me topic sheets that are safe for conversation. Then at least we'd get past first base. Oh, but then again, if I called Gina or any other of the women you've slept with in the last ten years I could just get a comprehensive list started. Find out what's required for you to jump into bed with me. God knows being mostly naked hasn't much helped. And having me practically begging you hasn't worked..." Getting out of bed, Angela stormed into the washroom and slammed the door behind her. She just needed some time free of him, and free of fighting with him.  
  
"That's not fair, Angela," he called through the bathroom door.  
  
"No, it doesn't seem that way, does it?" She tried to repress the sobs, knowing he was close enough to probably hear her if she wasn't discrete. The last thing she wanted to do was to be accused of crying to get what she wanted.  
  
"I mean...Frankie, Gina...Kathleen...I didn't love them, but I love you."  
  
"Oh, but you made love to them. You won't make love to me." She felt like such a child, sitting on the bathroom floor with her back to the tub, facing the door and wondering if this was another one of those earth- shattering, fate-altering arguments.  
  
"I had sex with them. I refuse to just have sex with you." Leaning against the door it was killing him to listen to her like that. He had never thought they'd fight so intensely over when they'd make love.  
  
Angela released a bitter laugh. "Hell, you won't even make love to me."  
  
"Do you want it to be like this? Fighting over when and how and where, and arguing semantics, because if you do then fine; come out here, lay down and we'll just get it over with. You know, we have about an hour left, if we skip breakfast we could probably fit in two or three gos. Doesn't have to be any good. Just do it, right? If we turn on the tv we can get the weather report too, so we know how we're supposed to dress today. And then there's always time for a quickie in the elevator. So why don't you get out here so we can just fuck and get it over with!?" Tony never expected to be so angry, or to speak so harshly to Angela. He had never thought he'd yell at her like that. The guilt that was building in him was too great to even begin to comprehend. He'd never yelled at any one he loved like that and he never thought he had it in him. And now, only days after proposing to a woman he loved more than life itself, he was here yelling at her.  
  
There was a frightful silence that seemed to fill the air. Neither was sure of what to say or if there was anything more left to say.  
  
Tony wondered if he should leave Angela the suite to pull herself together, and if he should go for a run to get rid of some of the obvious steam that he had pent up. The good side to leaving her with space would be that she'd get to think in her own space, instead of hiding in the bathroom. Of course, the alternative would be that she felt abandoned. And he did feel rather like it would be abandoning her if he left.  
  
Angela stood up, and looked in the mirror. She looked like hell, and there wasn't going to be near enough make up to cover it up for the day. She could just lock herself up in one of the private cars of the train and avoid him. But she would miss him, even if they had just had the worst fight of her life. Angela had never felt so betrayed, or hurt, and more importantly, she had never been so angry at him.  
  
Gathering her strength, Angela took a deep breath. Eventually she would have to face him.  
  
When the door opened, a crack at first and then gradually more, Tony felt his heart sink. Angela's frame was sunken forward from the stress and emotion of the morning. She looked like they'd just gone 12 rounds in a boxing match, and she hadn't done so well.  
  
Thankfully, it only seemed natural when her sobbing form made its way into his arms and he held her. She wrapped her arms around him and hoped that this was the end of the darkness in their relationship.  
  
21*** Differences  
  
They'd not discussed what happened that morning. They hadn't even really had a conversation as much as they maintained a healthy amount of small talk.  
  
Angela made a decision to wear something a little warmer and a little higher cut, while Tony made a point to really avoid eye contact with her unless otherwise necessitated.  
  
The cold distance between them was probably obvious to everyone who saw them, but it seemed better to be distant than cringing at the contact.  
  
"Eventually we'll have to talk," Tony said when he met her in their private car.  
  
"Oh, not this again," Angela said dismissively. They were trapped on this train for the next two days and the last thing she wanted to deal with was another raging fight.  
  
"Well, I have to apologize because I feel just awful for being so mean to you and treating you like...like that. I was so frustrated and upset, but that's no reason for me to be so rude to you." Tony watched her expression for some kind of softening, but to no avail.  
  
"I deserved it, so why are you apologizing? I'm the one who started it, and I shouldn't have started it if I couldn't handle it, right?" Angela reached for her purse and dug about in it, trying to keep her self distracted from the conversation.  
  
"Look, I know that I stepped over the line. I would never say something like that to you, but..."  
  
"You did. And I did—I said those things about you and all your exes...Well, not all of them, but still..." Angela pulled out a compact, and looked at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
Tony reached and took the compact from her hand before placing it back in her bag and sitting in front of Angela, her hands in his. "We're going to talk, because I love you too much to let this destroy us, and it is gonna happen if we let this go on." When Angela didn't say anything, Tony took that as his queue to continue. "You're mad at me because I slept with them but I haven't slept with you, but I never had this conversation with them; we never actually talked about any of this stuff. And that's because it didn't matter in the same way it does here. I know that half the reason you want us to make love is because you're afraid that we're not going to stay together, but we are going to. And I know that the other part is the same reason I want to make love to you—because I love you more than anything in the world and I'm dyin' to be with you. But I want us to wait until the best time for us. Maybe we won't wait until we're married, but we should at least wait until we don't have to discuss it before we do."  
  
"We might make love before we're married?" She looked at him, confused by this sudden reality.  
  
"We've tortured ourselves enough. When the time is right—whenever that time might be—we'll make love." Tony gauged her reaction.  
  
"Do you forgive me for being so mean to you, and bringing them up? I just...It's like it hurt twice when you dated them. It hurt when you dated them, and it hurt when I saw how much they liked you, and how much liked them. And I guess I'm still a little jealous of what they had with you."  
  
"Jealous? What for? You have nothing to be jealous of."  
  
"When we were all in the same room together...like when Gina was over and we were all in the living room, I could see the way you wanted her, and how you could barely keep your hands off of her, and you guys had so much fun. But I'm such a ... drag compared to her. She was giggly and sexy and she made you want to just strip her right there, but I'm... me...And I know you love me, really. It's just different because you want us in different ways. What if I can't satisfy that one way? What if you love me, but I can't make you feel the way she did?" Angela waited for his response. She hated all this insecurity. This vacation was supposed to be a break for them: it was supposed to be together and bonding, but instead they were dealing with all of these really cruddy things. Who knew sex could be so complicated?  
  
"Do you really think that I don't want you? I mean, do you think I don't want to make love to you because I don't find you attractive? Because it's not true. I see you first thing in the morning and your hair is all messed up, and you look so amazing it takes all of my willpower not to do something. And remember when you sang Fever at the bar? I wanted to take you home and make love to you. But we're just different than I was with any one else." Leaning in for a kiss, Tony hoped she wouldn't destroy his little experiment.  
  
When his lips touched hers, they seemed to fall into synch instantly. Their lips parted and they moved closer, Tony's hands resting on her thighs.  
  
Breaking off the kiss before things managed to swing from experimental to demonstrative, Tony smiled. "Did you feel that?"  
  
"What," Angela asked, her lips swollen from the kiss and dizzy from the contact.  
  
"That thing, when we kissed...do you ever feel it? That tingle, and that feeling ... the ... I never wanna let go?"  
  
Angela felt her heart skip a beat at his description of kissing her.  
  
"I kiss you and I feel like I never want to stop. And that is how I know you're different than any other woman I've dated since I moved to Connecticut."  
  
Angela smiled. "So we're going to see when it's right for us. Whenever that might be?"  
  
"If that's okay with you," Tony asked, his big brown puppy dog eyes gleaming.  
  
"Only if we go back to the way things were. I'm really sick of this chastity belt thing...I'd much rather at least play, if we can't...you know?"  
  
"I think I can deal with that," Tony said honestly.  
  
"And I really am sorry...for being so awful to you before."  
  
"Oh, I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me." Laughing, Tony leaned back in for another kiss.  
  
22*** An Evening Out  
  
The scenery between Calgary and Toronto was pretty boring, they decided. It was flat landscape for as long as the eye could see, and nothing but white fields. Mind you, they hadn't made it through Saskatchewan yet, so any prediction of what was to come was merely a guess.  
  
Tony and Angela entertained themselves, however, by playing a few of the provided games in the entertainment car, and with many hours of conversation.  
  
Their first night on the train, which was also their first night 'back to normal' proved to be an entertaining one, with Angela signing them up for a late night Karaoke lounge thing in one of the club cars. It was late enough that all the parents had put their kids down and the 'babysitters' on board were busying themselves checking up on them, and it was still early enough that all the adults were still energetic enough to keep going.  
  
"You're kiddin'? Karaoke?" Tony looked at her in shock.  
  
"Well, you know...Oh, come on, it'll be a lot of fun, and it will pass a few hours. It's amateur fun, and how can you say no to that?" Angela grinned, before she chose a little black dress to wear to the event, holding it up against her body and nodding. "This'll do." A plunging neckline that almost met the knee point of the skirt was enough to kill Tony, he thought, and he hadn't even seen it on her.  
  
"Well, I guess it saves us just sittin' around the room talking," he baited, waiting for the glare from Angela.  
  
"Absolutely no discussion required tonight," she announced as she disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
When Angela reappeared, Tony just stared in awe, convinced that the woman who had gone in to the bathroom in jeans and a cashmere sweater (looking like a million bucks) could not be the woman in front of him. She had made a successful transformation from beautiful to sexy, and although he had seen it before, something about this particular state of amazing astounded him.  
  
"You going to be cold in that?" That was the most comprehensive sentence he was going to form, and even if it was moderately inappropriate, he had to say something.  
  
"Maybe. You won't help me warm up?"  
  
"Uh huh," was all he could say, when he watched her fix her hair back in a clip. It was mostly down, but there was this section of hair at the top pulled into a wonderful brass clip that kept her hair off of her face.  
  
"Are you going to be okay?" Angela couldn't hide her glee that he was looking at her like he had looked at Gina, Frankie, and Kathleen. But he was looking at her with something more, which made it even better.  
  
"Oh, me? Yeah, I'll be fine. Just fine. Just need a minute to... uh, fine." Tony's voice had squeaked on his last fine, making Angela laugh at him.  
  
"Oh dear, do you want me to get changed? I can. I don't mind."  
  
"No no, it's okay. Just taking some getting used to."  
  
"Alright then, well, we're off." Smiling, she took his hand and led him out of the car and towards their evening.  
  
**  
  
"You did not have to sing 'Fever', you know?" Tony looked at her accusingly. He wasn't really mad as much as he was angry at all the other men who had been staring at her while she moved seductively to the music.  
  
"Well I sang it for you," Angela noted, taking off her earrings and wiggling her pantyhose down her legs. She noticed that by the time she reached her knee she had his full attention, and purposefully took them off more slowly than she normally would.  
  
"And I sang 'My Way'. Do you know how lob sided of a trade that was?"  
  
"Well, if you want, I'll be your private audience and you can sing something a little more...meaningful...right now." Tossing the panty hose on the floor, she smiled at him. "Or I could sing for you again. Same song, but this time you could have a private viewing."  
  
Tony shifted uncomfortably at the mere suggestion of her singing it again. Watching her the first time had been hard enough, but he was mesmerized by her. A part of him, one which more and more frequently had been stirred by her, wanted to race up and carry her off the makeshift stage to take her back to their 'room'.  
  
"Or you could come over here and kiss me," he offered. "Make up for that dress, which looks amazing on you."  
  
"I could do that," she said tentatively, as she stood to meet him at eye level. "Fever, when you touch me," she started, her hips moving in tune with the music she was hearing in her head. "Fever when you hold me tight," Angela continued, her lips grazing past his ear to his jaw line, where she placed a series of kisses. Teasing him was half the fun. "Fever," she sang again, his hands found her hips, and traveled up her body. "Mmmm... Fever all through the night. You give me fever." Her hands made their way behind him to the wall of their 'room' and she pressed her body against his. As his hands made their way further up her body, she smiled. "Mr. Micelli, I do believe you enjoyed my song." She pressed a little harder against him, noticing the rock-solid erection. "Apparently you really enjoyed my song."  
  
Tony couldn't master thought. He could barely stand upright from all the blood that had fled his extremities to flow to his groin.  
  
"Should we call it a night," she asked sweetly, ready to back off. This was usually their stopping point, because at any moment it could become awkward for him, and otherwise messy. No matter how right it felt to her, there was no way she was going to push the envelope any more. It wasn't worth the argument. Angela missed him too much when they were fighting.  
  
When Tony didn't reply, she took that as evidence that she probably had pushed her luck. He'd need a minute to regroup before he'd be ready to get into bed.  
  
Placing a chaste kiss against his lips, Angela grinned. "I had a great time tonight. It was really good. Thank you."  
  
Sneaking into the bathroom, Angela smiled at how wonderful Tony was, and how much of a pushover he could be for her. It was all a part of his charm. He was the typical Italian man, macho and built. He was very beautiful in that charming man way, but he was also so sensitive and attentive. Tony not only let her make decisions and maintain a career life, but he encouraged her, and he stood behind her for support whenever she needed it. That was the kind of man she had always wanted and never found until him.  
  
Brushing her hair, Angela smiled. She really was the luckiest woman in the world, and he was worth the wait, no matter how hard it had been.  
  
23*** Discoveries  
  
By the time Angela had finished getting ready for bed, she figured Tony would be in good enough condition to get ready. There should be, she figured, enough blood flowing back towards his hands and elsewhere so that he could hold a toothbrush and change into his pajamas.  
  
What she wasn't prepared for was the image of him sitting on the foot of their bed wearing his cords, but not the shirt.  
  
Tony patted the bed beside him and was relieved when Angela complied, sitting down without asking any questions. When he turned to capture her lips in an intense kiss, he caught her by surprise, but her mouth opened to allow him better access.  
  
"You're a brave little soldier tonight, aren't you? Considering...you know..." Alluding to his earlier state of arousal, Angela grinned when he leaned back in for another kiss, this time his hands cupping her face.  
  
Gently guiding her body further on to the bed, Tony helped her lay down, before lying down beside her. "Do you think tonight'd be okay?"  
  
Angela looked at him, more than a little stunned. "For?"  
  
"For us to make love?" Tony waited for her response, keeping a respectable distance until he'd heard her answer. He wasn't about to pressure her.  
  
"Are you sure?" It was music to her ears, but only if he was actually comfortable. The last thing she needed was to feel guilty about it in the morning.  
  
"Very," he said as his hands ran the length of her rib cage, causing her to arch her back towards him. "I love you," Tony whispered quietly as he leaned in for another kiss, this time his hands inching downwards to edge her nightgown up.  
  
Angela had a hard time processing much other than the fact he was lying beside her, his mouth on hers kissing her breathless, while his one hand slowly made its way up her thigh, the silk of her nightgown following it.  
  
Wrapping her arms around his neck, Angela anchored him more squarely above her to gain better access to his body. "We're over dressed...It's been a while, but I remember that," she offered, as her hands slid down over his rippled chest and to the fly of his pants. Smiling against his lips, she stole another kiss as her hands unzipped the material and began pushing it over his hips.  
  
"I'm gonna have to take 'em off," Tony said, laughing at the awkward position he was in, his pants around his knees locking him in place on the bed but over her, "otherwise we're not going to get very far."  
  
Angela laughed at his concerned expression, lightening the mood. There certainly wasn't any stress about making love any more. It felt natural.  
  
As he quickly managed his way out of his pants, Angela managed to sit up, despite the lightheadness she was feeling and pulled her nightgown over her head.  
  
Tony drew in his breath at the sight of her sitting across from him in nothing but a pair of pink panties. At first Angela felt uncomfortable with his gaze, worried he might not like what he saw, but the glow in his eyes quickly reminded her that he loved her.  
  
His eyes traced over the soft curves of her body, and up to the smooth skin of her breasts.  
  
"You going to come back over here?" Her voice was lower than usual, and much sultrier. In a moment of complete confidence, she slid her fingers into the waistband of her panties and pulled them down over her hips, tossing them on the heap with her nightgown. "You're over dressed again."  
  
Tony was definitely enjoying the playful repertoire between them. Any nervousness he had been feeling was quickly swept away with an overwhelming sense of discovery. Managing his way out of his boxers, he quickly leaned forward to her again, this time kissing her collarbone, downwards to the valley between her breasts and further down still to her flat stomach. His lips trailed over the skin he had only once seen before, with a new sense of propriety, realizing that for the rest of his life he'd be making love to this phenomenal woman with a spectacular body.  
  
Angela resisted the urge to chew her lip, instead arching her back towards him, encouraging him to continue his mission over her stomach.  
  
When his fingers outlined her hips, Angela felt a surge of electricity jolt through her. "Mmm, this exploration might kill me," she mumbled as she made her move. Pressing Tony against the bed, Angela leaned in for another kiss, hungry for more.  
  
Dipping her head against his neck, Angela gently nipped at the skin there. "Oh, and this wont kill me," Tony asked, palming her breasts.  
  
Their tender discovery of each other seemed to last for hours, until their bodies screamed out for release and finally Tony leveraged himself above Angela, gently pressing into her.  
  
Barely able to breath, the emotions whirling around in her head and heart keeping Angela in a state of exquisite bliss. She couldn't believe they had waited this long to make love. He was the most dedicated lover a woman could ask for, and as he continued to move inside of her, she knew that it would only get better between them.  
  
Feeling the heat low in her abdomen build to an intolerable level, Angela wrapped her arms around him and drew her nearer to him. She wanted Tony to be as close as possible when he took her over the edge, and she knew it wasn't far off.  
  
"I love you," she whispered, losing every last wit she had about her as she crashed into orgasm.  
  
Tony leaned in for one last kiss as his will to stave off his own release shattered, sending him over the edge with her.  
  
24*** Good Day Sunshine  
  
"Good morning," Angela giggled, the feeling of Tony's lips making their way over her shoulder and back waking her.  
  
"Good morning," he replied between kisses.  
  
As she rolled onto her side to see him, Angela was thrilled to see the smile on his face. "You're in a good mood this morning...Rare treat."  
  
"Well, I did get to spend last night with the most amazing woman in the world. And I did get to wake up beside her this morning." He could barely keep his lips off her, Tony discovered, as he traced the pattern of her collarbone with his finger, and then followed it with his lips.  
  
"Mmmm..."  
  
Pulling his attention away from her creamy skin, Tony gently pulled Angela nearer to him before he spoke. "I had a great idea."  
  
"Oh yeah?" She could feel his arousal pressing against her, and she couldn't help but shift closer. There was no way for her to deny what she wanted.  
  
"I was thinking that we have a lot of years to make up for, and we could start now. What do you think?" Tony watched the irises of her eyes grow darker as their conversation (and emotions) once again grew more intimate.  
  
"Well, we did manage four times last night...And then once more in the middle of the night," Angela remembered fondly. It was the first time she had ever woken up beside a man and decided in no uncertain terms that she needed to make love then and there. Of course, he didn't seem to mind the way she woke him up either.  
  
Snaking his arm around her body, Tony thought back to the night before, and the way she had been so electric to be with. It was certainly something he would never have pegged her for, but thankful all the same.  
  
He wasn't sure how she did it, but somehow while he was caught up in thought, she managed to roll him on to his back, and she maneuvered her way on top. Sinking down on him, Angela was certain this was how she wanted to spend every morning for the rest of their lives.  
  
**  
  
The gentle rocking of the train continued beneath them as they lay peacefully in their double cot.  
  
"Wow," was all Tony had managed to say since their last foray. He somehow had not been prepared for her to be so sexually aggressive, but was pleasantly surprised yet again.  
  
Nestling her head in the crook of his arm, Angela's fingers lazily drew patterns on his chest. "I don't think I'll ever be able to walk again," she said, a smile on her face. "Then again, as long as you just want to keep me pent up in bed that could be worthwhile."  
  
Misunderstanding, Tony felt a rush of panic. Had he been too rough with her the night before? He certainly hadn't meant to be. In fact, he tried to be as gentle as possible, afraid he might break her.  
  
Seeing the expression on Tony's face, Angela giggled. "You're funny."  
  
He looked at her, hurt. "You didn't think so last night."  
  
"I just meant, we exercised some muscles I didn't even know I had, and a few I knew were there but haven't done much in...a very long time. But believe me when I said I had an amazing time last night. And this morning."  
  
He felt better knowing what she had meant and that he hadn't hurt her. "So did I."  
  
"I'd say we should get a shower, but I'm pretty sure that we have to share facilities with the car next to us. Or we could stay in bed. Your call."  
  
"I like holding you, if that's alright?"  
  
"Fine with me. But one of us should get breakfast at least, or else we won't have enough strength to really do much throughout the day," Angela hinted. "Do you want me to go? And then we'll have breakfast in bed, followed by lunch, in bed, and maybe dinner...I'm not sure where. How's that sound?"  
  
"Sounds pretty yummy," Tony said, stealing another kiss. He never thought it possible, but the feeling he had always felt when they kissed was intensified now. That, he concluded, was all in part thanks to them loving each other so much.  
  
"Alright. Let me sneak away, put some clothes on, and I'll be back with food soon enough."  
  
Tony looked saddened when she crawled out of bed, and found her pants from the day before. Sliding them on and zipping them, she dug around for a shirt to put on, finally deciding on Tony's Cardinals sweater.  
  
"How often do you do that?" Staring up at her while she found clothes, Tony was fascinated by her body.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Not wear panties...or a bra?"  
  
Angela blushed, realizing that she hadn't even made an effort to dig either of those two items out.  
  
"When I don't want a panty line, or if I'm not going out anywhere."  
  
"Wow," Tony said again, grinning at her. "Good thing I didn't know that years ago—this would have been even harder than it already was."  
  
25*** Different Ideas  
  
Stepping off of the train in Toronto seemed like the hardest thing they had ever done. Now, sitting on the plane, reality was crashing down on them.  
  
Angela hadn't wanted to leave their 'room' ever again, let alone board a flight back home. And Tony...Tony seemed equally distracted by the reality that soon enough they'd be back home and back to reality.  
  
There wouldn't be any more naked lunches in bed. Or dinners or breakfast for that matter. They'd have to be grown ups as much of the time as family demanded, and although it would normally seem reasonable, Tony realized they had done everything backwards.  
  
Most people meet, and fall for each other, date, fall in love with each other, move in together, get married, make love, build a family, and live out their lives together.  
  
Instead they were doing things almost the complete opposite way. They moved in together, got to know each other, fell in love with each other and raised each other's children, spent ten years together, and then confessed their love. They still weren't even married.  
  
"Hey Angela, are you still thinking about the small wedding you wanted...?"  
  
"Tony, I know you want to have a large wedding, and I really do understand. I'm not going to deny you that." Holding his hand on the hand rest between their seat, Angela leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. Considering she'd spent so long in his arms, she almost felt lonely being so far away from him—even if it was only inches.  
  
"What if I said I'd changed my mind? What if I said I really just wanted to be married to you when we land? I want to round up the kids, and Mona, and find a dress for you...And I want us to find a chapel, like the one the kids got married in."  
  
Angela looked at him in shock. "What happened to wanting a big wedding? What happened to wanting everyone you love to be there?"  
  
"I'll have you there," he pointed out, "and Sam and Hank. Jonathon, Mona. And we can still do a reception later. We can have a big party to celebrate with everyone if we want to. What do you think?"  
  
Leaning in for a feverish kiss, Angela nearly jumped for joy. "I'd like that more than anything in the world. Sign me up!"  
  
Nearly dropping his hold on his coffee, Tony felt his heart swim with joy. Everything was falling in to place now, and finally there didn't seem to be any more strain on their relationship.  
  
"Do you still want to do a honeymoon sometime, or should we just call this our 'early' honeymoon?" Angela grinned, knowing that really they could fit in one shorter trip somewhere. Maybe their next trip wouldn't be as extravagant as their tour of the Rockies (which they had barely seen, thanks to fighting and then making up) but it could be something just to celebrate being in love and being together.  
  
"Do you wanna? I mean, do you know where you'd want to go?"  
  
Angela contemplated all of the places she had been through the years, and all of the ones that meant the most to her. It wasn't an easy decision to make because every time she thought of something between her and Tony it came back to Brooklyn, or their home.  
  
"Oh, why didn't I think of this before?" The beaming smile on her face told Tony that she probably had big plans for him, and that she was really excited.  
  
"Oh yeah? Come on, share."  
  
"Let's do a week in Jamaica. You don't have a job in Connecticut yet, and I will micromanage everyone into taking care of things at the agency. And since we're getting married soon, maybe I won't even need to worry. We are still in the quiet season." It seemed like the perfect plan. She couldn't think of anything better than going back to the resort where they had their family vacation.  
  
"A week to melt the snow that we've been surrounded by? That does sound real good," Tony thought out loud.  
  
The stewardess made an announcement that they would be landing in a few minutes and that they should follow standard airplane procedures. Holding her hand more firmly, Tony thought about their honeymoon, and their wedding, and telling the family. Most of all, he thought about how lucky he was to have a woman like her in his life.  
  
26*** Conversations  
  
"We got your call, what's wrong?" Sam bounded through the door, looking between her father and Angela, unsure of what was going on. He had said that it was important she and Hank come over 'right away' because he and Angela had something to discuss with them. Those types of phone calls, as a rule, scared the hell out of Sam.  
  
"Just sit down, and wait. We need Jonathon and Mona here. And I called Mrs. Rossini." Tony watched the expression of horror on his daughter's face and tried his hardest not to give in. They wanted to tell everyone at the same time.  
  
Sam and Hank took a seat on the sofa, holding hands and exchanging worried glances. It was everything Tony and Angela could do to not break out in to laughter. If the kids had really thought about it, they'd realize that Tony and Angela were smiling and it seemed like they did everything together in waiting for everyone to arrive.  
  
"You think their trip went that bad," Hank whispered to Sam.  
  
"I'm not sure. Would they be standing here now if it did? Last time I didn't get an explanation..." Her voice was equally low, hoping not to be heard.  
  
"Hey all," Mona called as she walked through the door. "You two look awful comfy. What's the big surprise?" In a typical Mona fashion, she smiled before propping herself on the edge of the couch.  
  
"We're still waiting for Jonathon and Mrs. Rossini, but they should only be a few more minutes." Angela looked at her mother and blushed. It was like she could see right through her.  
  
"Alright already, so when it's red, it means stop, but that don't mean that I have to stop if there isn't anyone around," Carmella countered a point, obviously, although which point one could only guess.  
  
"Mrs. Rossini, you sped up—you didn't slow down but you drove faster!" Jonathon looked a little harried by the experience she had subjected him to.  
  
"Yeah yeah, whine whine whine. See if I drive you in from the city ever again."  
  
"Thank God, I want to live to be twenty." Collapsing in the chair, Jonathon looked up at his mother and then Tony. "Whatever you two have to say, it better be worth it, 'cause I just saw my entire life flash before my eyes on the drive here."  
  
Tony laughed. "Mrs. R was always a little funny 'bout stop lights," he teased.  
  
"Anthony!" Her voice was very foreboding, preventing any further conversation on the topic.  
  
"Enough already, the suspense is killing me! What's going on?" Sam nearly leapt out of her skin she was so high strung.  
  
Angela took a deep breath and prepared herself to deal with whatever they might throw at her. She knew that they'd be happy for her; although how they'd react to the elopement she wasn't really sure.  
  
"Ang and I have some news. And we wanted to tell you all first so that we could get the ball rollin' tomorrow morning."  
  
Everyone in the room looked at Tony and Angela as if there was a live chicken running around the room.  
  
"We're getting married. On Saturday, which gives us precisely two days to plan, find a place, and choose a dress," Angela announced, looking from face to stunned face.  
  
"In two days? What kind of time is that?" Mrs. Rossini nearly had a heart attack at the time line. She'd have to round up all of Pitkin Avenue that night so that she could figure out a way of organizing everyone to make it to Connecticut. She certainly thought she had more time.  
  
"Plenty. We're just gonna have a small wedding. Everyone in this room. We don't want to have a thousand people there, making us nervous and stressed about how the dinner will taste."  
  
"Tony's decided he'd like for us to get married in a small wedding, and maybe afterwards, we'll do a bigger reception sometime. But not right away. We have plans for our honeymoon, and it's booked. We're taking off Sunday morning. So..."  
  
"So we've got a lot of work to do!" Mona jumped to her feet and hugged Tony first, then Angela. "I'm so happy for you. And the first thing we're going to do is find a dress... And some flowers."  
  
"Oh, and I know of some great chapels. Hank and I..." Sam stopped abruptly, realizing that she had maybe said too much.  
  
"I can cook us all dinner for Saturday night. Jonathon will help me, won't ya?" Looking at the shocked teenager, Mrs. Rossini had once again managed to shock him.  
  
"Does that mean driving out here with you?"  
  
The flurry of conversation began, everyone talking about something they had to do before Saturday.  
  
27*** More Conversations  
  
"Everyone seems pretty happy for us," Angela said quietly, wrapped in Tony's arms, her back flush against his chest. Laying in bed seemed so much more comfortable with him holding on to her.  
  
"They do, don't they? And everyone seems pretty happy to help us out. It's amazin' how great our family is." Placing a kiss against her temple, Tony couldn't figure out what he had done to get so lucky.  
  
"Now," Angela said, "tomorrow we're actually going to have to do things separately because you don't get to see my dress before the wedding. And we're trusting Jonathon and Mother to recruit a chapel tomorrow afternoon. You have to get a suit, and whatever else you plan on needing for Jamaica. So..."  
  
"Tomorrow I hardly get to see you," he provided, knowing what she was saying.  
  
"Uh huh, and that doesn't seem like a very good option. In fact, I think I'm going to miss you too much." Shuffling further back towards him, Angela managed to wiggle near enough to find evidence of just how much he'd miss her. The softness of the silk nightgown she wore was erotic enough to be considered foreplay as it touched his skin.  
  
Tony couldn't hide his current state of arousal. She just did it to him, no matter how often he tried to pretend otherwise. "I'm going to miss you...think we can make everyone else do the work tomorrow and we could stay home in bed?"  
  
"Sure, if you want Mrs. Rossini picking out your suit. And if I want my mother picking out my dress." A horrific image of something revealing flashed through her mind. The last thing she wanted was to look like a hooker on her wedding day.  
  
"Ok, no dice. But I will miss you." Taking her hand in his, Tony slowly ran his fingers over the long slender fingers.  
  
"Mmmm..." Angela emitted a contented sigh. "You know, since we're not going to see each other tomorrow all that much, we should probably make the most out of tonight. We've not made love in our own bed yet, and it's been at least twelve hours since we made love at all." The tone of her voice was suggestive enough, never mind her words.  
  
Tony was having a hard time wrapping his mind around how amazing (and incredibly sexual) Angela was. For a woman who, at several points in their friendship, seemed more than a little prudish, she was nothing of the sort. "You're going to be the death of me," he teased, his lips finding their way to her neck and kissing a path from the base of her neck to the spot right behind her ear.  
  
"But admit it, isn't it the way to go?" Curling further into him, she wondered if he'd always be this tender and loving or if there would ever be a point when he'd just finally say enough is enough and take care of himself more attentively than her. As his ministrations continued their slow and painful journey long her hair line, and his hands found their way to her stomach, she became fairly certain that no, he'd never change. And for that, among other things, she loved him.  
  
She maneuvered her way around to face him, her hands making quick work of his pajama shirt. "We should probably just learn not to sleep in these anymore," Angela offered, as her hands worked them over his shoulders. "It takes a painfully long time to get them off."  
  
Tony grinned. "We'd probably never sleep though."  
  
"I sleep very well these days. I'm eating better and uh, getting a lot more exercise. I sleep very soundly at night." Angling herself so she could work with the material resting against her skin, Angela very carefully drew it up, inch by painful inch, while watching the way Tony eyed her body as it was revealed. "This," she said, indicating towards the gown, "isn't really all that necessary, as long as you promise to keep me warm." With that, it seemed as though the material just flew off her body, and found its way into a heap on the floor.  
  
"Planning on saving on heating bills?" Tony appraised her body, enjoying the sensations that pulsed through him.  
  
"Hmmm, maybe. But definitely planning on having an excuse to be closer to you as often as possible." Now sitting in front of him in all of her naked glory, Angela slid back down under the covers, draping the sheet across her breasts.  
  
The easy, comfortable banter was one thing that only got better. It wasn't like they were maintaining entire conversations while making love, because that was hardly the truth. The further they got, the lesser the conversation. By the time they were completely undressed there might only be one or two sentences and a series of small noises—nothing profound. But leading up to that point, while they were still acquainting each other with their bodies, the conversation was much more of a sweet distraction from any sort of small insecurity.  
  
As her lips found his, Angela slid her hands into his pajama bottoms. "I think these need to come off," she surmised, helping the bottoms part way down.  
  
"You...you are..." Caught up in the moment, and the way her hands felt, Tony couldn't think of anything other than making love to her.  
  
"Choose your words carefully," she teased, as her hands moved from the fabric below his hips back up to his stomach.  
  
"Sexy. Beautiful. Amazing."  
  
"Good call," Angela said through a smile as the final remnants of clothing got tossed aside.  
  
Ducking his head under the covers, Tony began his exploration of her body once more, beginning at her calves and working his way up her long limbs.  
  
Alternately drawing giggles from Angela who was amused by the shape of his form under the blanket working his way up her body and a combination of moans, Tony decided to pinpoint every point on her body that did something for her. Those points, he was determined, would go in to memory, because they had a fast approaching honeymoon, and there were certain things he planned to do.  
  
When his lips found the inside of her thigh, Angela emitted a tiny sigh, before sliding her hands down under the blanket to find his shoulders. She needed to have some of her own contact with him, and soon, if she were going to be able to fend off release for a while, at least.  
  
"You smell like strawberries," Tony mumbled against her skin, as he placed tender kisses low on her stomach.  
  
"Do you like it?" She felt his erection pressing against her leg, and knew that he liked at least parts of his adventure.  
  
"It's my favourite fruit," he whispered, as he made his way to her breasts. His tongue skillfully worked its way over the soft orbs, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin. He was rewarded with a sensual moan.  
  
As he lavished attention over her body, Angela thought back to all the times she had dreamed of how it would be, and no matter how amazing those fantasies had been, the result was even better. How did she survive this long without making love to him?  
  
28*** Preparations  
  
"Okay, okay mother, I know what you mean, but I don't want to see my bra through my wedding dress." Angela dug through the chest of drawers searching for a white or ivory bra that would be attractive but not too frilly.  
  
"Alright, alright. So no red, no black, and no fun colours." Mona winked.  
  
"Success," Angela said, holding the bra above her head in a fit of extreme happiness.  
  
"Good work, sweetheart."  
  
"Hey, Angela, I was thinking: do you and dad have plans for tonight?" Sam worked her way through Angela's closet looking for anything that might be helpful for the big day.  
  
None of them could really remember the last time they all felt so emotionally charged, save perhaps for Sam's wedding. And that had been more than a year.  
  
"You nervous?" Sam pulled out a handbag that seemed like the perfect style to compliment the soft silk dress they had picked up at Bloomingdale's the day before.  
  
"Sort of. But only because I'm afraid I'm going to burst walking down the aisle. I'm so excited." Angela picked up the pieces of her wardrobe that they had already pulled together.  
  
"Dad's pacing the floor already. He just wants to be at the chapel. He's so cute." Helping Angela lay out the pieces on the bed, Sam smiled. "I've never seen him happier."  
  
"Jonathon looks like he's going to cry," Mona added. "Those men..."  
  
"We're pretty lucky though—those are some amazing men."  
  
"They are," Angela agreed, thinking about how lucky she got when Tony knocked on her door.  
  
"Dad's so concerned about messing up his vows that he keeps going over them with Hank. And Hank's so nervous for dad that he's reciting the vows."  
  
"As long as the right one says 'em when the chips are down," Mona countered. "Hank can practice all he wants."  
  
Sitting down on the bed, the three women just relaxed for a minute. "We've come a long way, haven't we?" Stroking the dress gently, Angela looked between her mother and the woman she considered a daughter.  
  
"Remember the first day we walked into the house, and you did not want a male housekeeper?" Sam grinned. "And Dad and I had rehearsed all these lines that he wanted me to say—I thought we'd be moving in with some haggard old woman. I had this image of the witch from The Wizard of Oz."  
  
"Oh, thanks," Angela said teasingly.  
  
"Well, you really didn't look like that," Sam provided.  
  
"That's okay, when you and your dad started unpacking your things I got a lecture from my darling daughter." Mona slapped Angela's arm. "See? You can never criticize my judgment again."  
  
"You do know how to pick men, that's for sure. Most of us just don't have to pick quite that many." Sam laughed at Mona's discouraged look.  
  
**  
  
"Ok, so we have the paper with the vows on it to review in the car. And we have my bag packed for tomorrow. What else is there?" Tony looked around the room, wondering what he was forgetting. There had to be something.  
  
"Um, do you have your passport?" Jonathon looked over his list.  
  
"Check. Hey, Jonathon, how do you think the women are doin'?" Tony looked nervously at his soon to be stepson. It was only a title--that was for sure. Jonathon had long been Tony's son. Even if biology was working against them, the two men had often thought of their relationship as paternal.  
  
"Sam said that things were going well over there. She said she'd swing by if we needed anything from the house." Hank adjusted his tie for the twentieth time in as many minutes.  
  
"I can't believe they banished us to Sam and Hank's apartment." Jonathon worked his way through the second page of his list. "Hey, Ton, I was supposed to remind you about some surprise...so?"  
  
"No way buddy, this is my surprise. You don't get to know before anyone else. Sorry, kiddo." Tony smiled. "So everything is fallin' into place nicely. All that's left is leaving for the chapel, right?"  
  
"Yep. Mrs. Rossini said that she needs me to help her with the food, so I'm going to head into the house and get a few things organized for her. And meanwhile, you and Hank should be heading out." Jonathon looked around the apartment once more, shocked that this place had once been his grandmother's den of romance. It looked much more sedate than it ever had when she lived there.  
  
"Alright. We'll see you there," Tony grinned, putting on his coat. "And Hank, I'm driving. You're in no shape." The younger man was nearly shaking from nervousness.  
  
29*** The Big Day  
  
"Oh, Angela, you look beautiful," Sam said sincerely, her heart warming at the sight of the woman before her. The dress they had chosen was a simple white silk gown with hand stitched beading on the bodice. The clean lines of the dress moved easily with Angela's form when she walked while the colours of her flowers were specifically chosen to compliment Sam's dress.  
  
"Thank you sweetheart." Angela looked in the mirror one last time, impressed by how well everything had pulled together considering the short notice.  
  
"One thing to finish it off," Mona interrupted, "and then you'll be perfect." Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a pearl choker which perfectly blended the pink and white of the bridal colours.  
  
"Oh, Mother," Angela exclaimed, surprised by the extravagant gift.  
  
"I'm really proud of you and Tony, and I want you to have this to wear today. Sam and I snuck out yesterday to find it, and when we saw it, we agreed it was perfect for you." Hugging her daughter, Mona tried to fight back the tears. There wasn't anything she could have enjoyed more than today, watching her daughter marry the most perfect man for her.  
  
"You guys..." Angela couldn't fight the tears any more. They had been building all morning and by now she was just thankful to not have broken down sooner.  
  
"So, you ready to go get hitched?" Mona double checked her daughter's up do, and smiled when she dried the tears.  
  
"Yes. Very much so," Angela said with determination.  
  
Running her hands over the soft silk of her dress, Sam smiled at the scene before her. Of all the things she had been happy to skip when she got married, this was one thing she missed—the loving moments between their families. "I'm set. Once you marry dad, he's not my responsibility any more—he'll be all yours." Winking at Angela, Sam laughed.  
  
**  
  
When the bridal march began to play, Tony breathed in deeply. They were finally there, and they were about to get married. There wasn't one thing he regretted about that moment. No matter how long it had taken for them to get to that point, they were finally there, and there was nothing that could lessen the amazement he was feeling.  
  
The doors of the chapel opened, revealing Sam and Hank. Mrs. Rossini immediately broke out into impassioned cries of happiness, while Mona's date looked on in horror. He couldn't figure out who the woman was or why she was so upset.  
  
Walking down the aisle hand in hand, they parted near the pulpit and took to their own sides.  
  
Mona and Jonathon appeared next, both beaming with pride about the event that was about to take place. As they reached the end of the aisle, they both turned, anxiously awaiting the appearance of Angela.  
  
The music changed keys and became much more serious, noting the arrival of the bride. When Angela appeared around the corner and began her decent down the aisle, every one looked on in awe. Tony's heart just about stopped beating, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of her. He had fantasized about this moment for almost a decade, but never had he imagined it being as amazing as it was. She looked beautiful, and totally in love with him. There was no way to describe the elation he felt at the mere thought of what this moment meant.  
  
The flowers in her hands were held tightly to her dress, her nerves making it more difficult to remember which foot to put forward next. For a fleeting moment, she had imagined careening down the aisle face first, tripping over her own feet. Smiling, Angela realized that even that couldn't put a damper on the day. They were finally getting married and for the first time in ages she felt genuinely indestructible.  
  
Reaching her rightful place beside Tony at the alter, Angela smiled when he took her hand. The gentle squeeze he gave made everything seem very complete.  
  
"Dearly beloved," the minister began, "we are gathered here today to join Tony and Angela in holy matrimony." Looking between Tony and Angela, and then on to their family, the minister's lips curled in a smile. "When Mona told me what you had been through to get to this point, I wanted nothing more than to be the one to officiate your marriage. It's so rare these days to see a couple so deeply devoted to one another that they are willing to make such sacrifices of themselves as you both have made through the years. So often today, we take love for granted, as something that is unchanging or even static, but the truth is that if it is either of those things, it's not true love. Love is growing together, changing to become more, and love is changing to become less sometimes. Love isn't a matter of being comfortable. All too often it makes us uncomfortable. It makes us sad, or it makes it nearly impossible to breath. Love isn't about being easy or predictable, but more so about being truthful and sometimes a little surprising. And love certainly isn't about always being content with what you have; love is probably the most remarkable uncertainty in life." Moving his eyes over the crowd, the reverend stopped only long enough to absorb the energy from the room around him. "You, Tony and Angela, have been blessed with not only the love of your family, but also the love you share for one another. With the passage of time, you have grown and learned from the paths you have chosen to follow. You have become less of some things, and more of others, and more importantly you have built a love that carries you truthfully from day to day."  
  
Mona couldn't keep from shedding her tears. There was nothing she could have wanted more in life than to see her daughter marry this man, and to be standing there, watching it all happen seemed like more than she could have ever imagined.  
  
"It's hard, in this world, to find someone to love so truthfully that you sometimes end up hurting more than you love some days. It's hard in this time of war and inequality to see how much of an impact love can have on the world—on every person we come in contact with. Because love, despite its imperfections and despite its shortcomings, is a never ending source of hope. As long as there is love, there's the opportunity for resolution, happiness, and a future. And today that is what you have brought to us. Tony and Angela, you have given us all a gift today, in coming here. You have shown us that love's long and winding path can bring together two people so destined to be together that they overcame fistfuls of obstacles along the way. It is because of your example that someone else might seek out love from a friend, a family member or a partner and it is thanks to you both that someone else will have an opportunity to share in that."  
  
Tony squeezed Angela's hand tenderly, thankful for the beautiful words the minister had spoken, and slightly unnerved that it would soon be his turn to speak.  
  
"Angela and Tony have written their own vows today, which they'd like to share with you all. Jonathon," he said, looking at the younger man, "do you have the ring?"  
  
Shaking his hand, Jonathon passed the reverend the ring for his mother.  
  
"This ring is a symbol of love, and the promise of that love. It is a continuous circle which shines in the light, but still reflects in darkness that which is always there. The wedding ring is a symbol of Tony's commitment to you, Angela, and the unequivocal love that he feels for you." Blessing the ring, the minister handed it gently to Tony.  
  
"I uh, I had this perfect speech planned out and all, but then you walked through the door, and I think I died. My heart stopped and all I could think about was how amazing you are, and how much I've loved you for all of these years..." Tony smiled tenderly at Angela, who was already tearing up. "Hank could probably recite the vows for me, but that isn't going to work either," he laughed, "so instead will you just forgive me for not doing them as well as I planned?" Angela nodded in response, a smile breaking through past the tears. "I never thought that I would fall in love with a woman like you; you're so strong and independent, and incredibly beautiful. You're more than I deserve, but since you don't seem to mind, I really do love being with you. I can't promise you won't want to kill me sometimes, like when I forget to do something or if I don't say the perfectly right thing...I can't even promise that sometimes things won't be perfect. But I do know that I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the man you deserve, and I hope you never doubt that I would do anything for you. I love you, Angela, and I'm so happy we're finally here." Sliding the ring on her finger, Tony smiled at her. "With this ring, I pledge to you all of my heart, my undying love and my unwavering devotion."  
  
"Jonathon, may I have the ring?" Again taking a ring from Jonathon, the minister blessed it before handing it to Angela. "The wedding ring is a symbol of Angela's commitment to you, Tony, and the unequivocal love that she feels for you."  
  
"Tony," Angela said, trying to fight back the lump that she felt forming in her throat, "when you and Sam walked into our lives all those years ago, something inside of me changed. Suddenly everything in life had a different part to it, and a different meaning. I started being freer with my emotions, and I started being more available to my friends. I started making decisions with my heart, and not as much with my brain. You encouraged me to follow my heart's direction, and on the way, we fell in love. My heart told me that you were the one for me for a very long time before we got here, and when we finally caught up with our love, we made new rules. You helped me to change the way I saw myself and how I lived, and somewhere in between you taught me about life in Brooklyn, and chilidogs. We've finally made it to this place, and there's nothing I can think of that could make me happier." Placing the ring on his finger, Angela's eyes told Tony how much she loved him. "With this ring, I pledge to you all of my heart, my undying love and my unwavering devotion."  
  
"Today," the minister said, "it is with great honour that we witness the union of Tony and Angela, who with two bands of gold have given their love a shape. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder!" Looking between Tony and Angela, the minister grinned. "I now pronounce you man and wife—you may kiss your bride, Tony."  
  
There was a surreal feeling to hearing him actually pronounce them as married, but neither Tony nor Angela could pass up the opportunity to kiss the other.  
  
"Hey hey, there're kids here," Jonathon said happily, overjoyed that his mother was now married to Tony.  
  
"You think they don't know about this?" In typical Mona fashion, she had to get a dig in. "Tony and Angela were the last ones to this party." She said quickly, teasing them. She couldn't believe how let loose her daughter finally was.  
  
"Ah, but true love waits," the minister added, enjoying the romantic air that the couple lent to the day.  
  
Finally ending their kiss, Angela and Tony drew apart and smiled at each other before turning to their family.  
  
Everything became a whirlwind of activity suddenly, and they were all swept up in the event.  
  
30 ***  
  
"You two are finally married," Mona said excitedly. Throwing her arms around them both and then pulling them together, she couldn't hide her enthusiasm.  
  
"It's been a long time coming," Angela said nonchalantly. "But it is great for it to be here, isn't it?"  
  
"Your mother's choking me," Tony laughed, as he gestured towards Mona's arms that were still tightly wrapped around her daughter and son-in-law.  
  
Letting go, Mona grinned. "That's my job. You do anything to hurt my daughter and I'll have to kill you, bub," she teased.  
  
Tony's arm wrapped around Angela's waist, his hand resting comfortably low on her stomach. "If I ever do anything to hurt your daughter, I give you full permission to kill me. But you'll have to get to me before I've done it to myself."  
  
Making an 'aw' noise, Angela shifted slightly, reaching up for a kiss.  
  
"You two...Do you ever stop kissing?" Jonathon had made his way out of the kitchen and into the living room, only to see the newlyweds in the same state as they had spent most of their day already.  
  
Just smiling at the boy, Tony laughed before stealing another kiss. "If we're lucky, no."  
  
"Any way," Jonathon said, secretly very happy about the entire situation, "Mrs. Rossini says that dinner's ready and to get your butts in to the dining room." When everyone's jaws dropped, he decided he needed to clarify the statement. "Those were her words, not mine."  
  
"Uh huh," Angela said, looking sternly at her son. "You're lucky we're in good moods."  
  
Ushering everyone through to the dining room, Angela thought about how far they'd come (even if it had taken them a decade to get there) and how finally she'd be having her first meal as Mrs. Micelli.  
  
**  
  
Saying goodnight to everyone was a bit of a blur. As far as Angela could tell everyone made themselves scarce by about nine, but she wasn't certain that necessarily meant anything. She half expected Mrs. Rossini to show up on the doorstep with half of Tony's old neighbourhood to celebrate.  
  
"Bed time," Tony whispered, coming up from behind her and wrapping his arms around her.  
  
"Mmmm." She wasn't feeling particularly coherent. Had she thought of it, she would have realized that she had drank at least four glasses of wine, and two champagne toasts. All she could hope for now would be to feel alright in the morning.  
  
"Since I can't carry you over the threshold, may I carry you to our room?" A warm glimmer in his eyes made Angela feel warm and extremely loved.  
  
When she nodded, he took his queue and quickly scooped her in his arms, briefly kissing her collarbone.  
  
"Mother asked me today how long we'd been sleeping together," she mentioned offhandedly as he carried her up the steps.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"She said she could tell." Angela leaned her head in against his cheek. "She said we both seemed so much happier than she'd ever seen us, and when I said it was just what love did to us, she told me that it was what sharing love did."  
  
"You're mother's a wise woman," Tony said seriously, pushing open the door to their room.  
  
When Angela looked around the room, it seemed like a fairy tale. There were vases of pink and white roses standing on nearly every flat surface, their scent filling the room.  
  
"I love you, Angela Catherine Micelli," Tony said quietly, placing her down on the bed.  
  
"Oh, God, I love you," she said in awe, astounded by the day's events.  
  
"We're married. We're actually finally married," Tony said reminding her.  
  
"Are you excited about it?" It wasn't as much a wave of insecurity, Angela decided, as much as it was curiosity. They had spent their whole relationship building up to something more but here they were at the point where there wasn't a next level. They were married, they were about to make love, and soon they'd be about to take off for their honeymoon.  
  
"Excited? I don't know if that's how I'd describe it. I'm so happy to finally be in this place with you. And I guess excited too, 'cause now we get to learn more about ourselves with each other and we get to learn more about each other." Sitting down beside her on the bed, Tony stroked her jaw bone, and stole a kiss.  
  
"You think there's anything left to learn?" The slow motion of his fingers was like torture.  
  
"Well, I'm still learning about what you like...and don't like." As if giving her an example, Tony ducked his head against her neck, and gently sucked on the skin right below her ear.  
  
"I think you've figured me out," she whispered, her hand making its way to his hair.  
  
"Mmmm, you think?" The mumbling against her skin made the most exquisite sensation race through her.  
  
"Oh, definitely."  
  
Working his way down to her collarbone, Tony continued his exploration of her skin, remembering how well she reacted to it every other time he had done it. "Then, it's perfecting this," he told her romantically.  
  
"Oh, you've got it perfected," Angela nearly moaned.  
  
"Then I'll have to learn some new tricks," Tony said nonchalantly. "So yes, I'm very excited."  
  
Angela was barely forming successful coherent thoughts. "Me too. Definitely me too." 


End file.
